Be Reminded: Check On Your Peeps!

I'm sharing piece that I wrote 3 years ago upon becoming aware of the passing of a friend. I think it's important for us to be reminded To check on our peeps

                  ******

Today I called to check on a Friend who has been on my mind. For months, it has been my intent to call her. She has been quite sad for a very long time. Of course it was magnified in this time of COVID. Shame on me for not following my instinct. Good intentions don't change the result or the impact... 

I had left her a jovial, "shame on me for not calling sooner" message in her voicemail telling her to call me back. So when the phone rang just a few minutes later, I didn't even let her speak. Happy to hear from her, I went right into laughing and apologizing for not being in touch. When I heard a male voice, I assumed she had changed her number or it was her son telling me again that I was calling his Mom on his phone... I've done that before. It was the latter. It was her son. When I took a breath, giving him an opportunity to speak, he said "you don't know..." My heart dropped because I knew what was next... 

My Friend passed on August 9, 2020. Incredibly her husband passed ten days later, both from heart failure. They leave to mourn their loss, 3 sons (ages 34, 30 & 24). I was not prepared to hear this news. It knocked me off my feet. 

Life is so short and oh so unpredictable. Constantly I am telling folks to check on one another, mostly stressing the elderly. But we must check on all of our friends and family; the elderly, sickly, sad, lonely AND even those we ASSume happy. We never know what another is dealing with and should first assume that hearing from us, knowing that someone thought enough to call and say hello, will brighten their day. 

My Friend is gone. I am not sure when last we spoke. It has been quite a while. I know that after one of our last conversations, I sent flowers to cheer her day and asked a few other of our law school friends to reach out as well. We may have spoken a time or two since then but it has been far too long. Certainly not since the pandemic... I will miss her. 

We were both "senior", I prefer "seasoned", women when we started law school together. Her poor sons. They are devastated. Of course I will be deliberate in checking on them and of course I offered that they can reach out to me if ever they need anything or just need to talk. I lost my Mom at 26 so I share their pain. But both parents? Too sad... 

Ironically, just yesterday, I accidentally sent a text message to a cousin asking her to "call me" and then immediately let her know I had messaged the wrong "Linda". Her reply was something to affect, "OMG! I was wondering who died"... We must ALL do better at reaching out. 

Check on your peeps folks!!!  It means a lot...

~ Miss Higgi 

October 25, 2020

 

 

Breast Cancer Awareness

Having lost my Mother to breast cancer almost 40 years ago (1987) at the tender age of 26, she was only 45, and still there is no cure despite zillions of dollars being raised, I am numb to wearing pink and joining the annual October breast cancer frenzy. I am admittedly a cynic who believes in a capitalistic society, there is no money and less interest, in a cure...

No matter, breast cancer is real and Black Women are disproportionately affected. Recently, I even lost a Black male friend to breast cancer. Like it or not, it is real and poses a serious threat to the Black community. 

Be it October or any other month, please be proactive and be sure to get your annual mammogram. Request an accompanying ultrasound if you have a history. It is automatic in some other countries. In the interim, actively conduct self exams. Be assertive with your doctors. Educate yourself and be knowledgeable about your condition, or detection thereof. Don't shy away from getting second, or even third opinions. Be open to exploring non-traditional approaches. Tell your doctor to treat you medically as s/he would treat their own Mom. We know that Black folk are seen in the medical field as less human, and more dispensible. Unapologetically advocate for you and/or your loved ones. If she is too tired or overwhelmed, do it for her. If not you, who? Daughters, be prepared to do a role reversal. Mom will thank you later...

Most important, be a source of support to all women dealing with the reality of the disease. I have a very dear friend on this journey right now... Loan your Sis a shoulder, be her sounding board, allow her tears to flow, catch them and then build her up because despite there still being no cure, there have been advances in treatment and survival is not as elusive as it was in 1987. I am a hopeful cynic...

Be aware and take care of you...

~ Miss Higgi 

Are We Lottery Players or Unsuspecting Crowdfunders? Follow the Money...

Full disclosure, yes, I sparingly play the lottery but even sparingly adds up, so I am owning up front that I am part of the problem...

As many of you already know, I am bothered by the whole premise of the modern lottery because "running numbers", as it was called, was a means of survival for Black and other marginalized communities. The government, as often it does when Black prosperity is being realized, decided to make it illegal, citing it organized gambling. 

Folks were incarcerated for involvement in said criminal/predatory activity, it was taken over by the states, miraculously deemed legal, renamed  "lottery", and now governments across the nation, through private entities, own and/or sanction this "illegal" activity, and make fortunes on selling other people hopes and dreams for which they will be heavily taxed if they are ever so fortunate to win what seemingly turns out to be an insignificant slice of a very large pie, as is evidenced in the photo below depicting more than an $87,000,000 dollar spread between the "estimated jackpot" and the "cash value" of the current Powerball game. Who's gaming who? To whom and where does the $87M go?  This inquiring mind wants to know...

The other thing, however, that has come to mind for me recently about the lottery, particularly the national lotteries, is the question of crowdfunding. What are we doing when we play the lottery? Who are we funding? Are we raising money for rich folks, corporations or our government, to fund whatever is their next endeavor or their next dream? Are we funding continued exploitation of us or gentry-fication of our communities? 

I dare ask the questions because it seems less and less unusual that we see these huge jackpots, built on elusive numbers that no one can seem to guess or correctly choose for weeks on end as the jackpot wildly grows right before our eyes and is posted on billboards, television and radio commercials, all over social media, especially in poor and Black spaces, fueling the deepest and most latent part of our "what if?" imagination, catching even the attention, hopes, and dollars of folks who don't usually play. Not by accident as very little is...

Huge jackpots, which used to be rare, are so often now that it raises suspicion. Follow the dollars folks. Who owns these operations and where does the money really go? $87M is not chump change.

We are told that the money from the lottery goes to fund education. So then why are our schools in such disarray? Why are teachers and tax paying parents spending money on school supplies? Why aren't our teachers better paid? Why is college tuition so unaffordable? Are students awarded scholarships? And why all the fuss about forgiving student loans? The lottery could handle wiping out that debt in a heartbeat. Instead, the lottery probably funds Sallie, last name Mae... I'm being coy with that last remark, but honestly, where does the money raised by the lottery go? 

I'm pretty sure that there's a  lottery in almost every state, and I don't know how many national lotteries exist. Powerball and Megamillions are two huge national lotteries, played three and two times weekly respectively, and if I'm not mistaken, are owned or managed by the same party or corporation. Who's minding them and the[ir] store? I seriously ask...

It is popularly believed that whatever money raised and supposedly given to schools, is removed from the school budget at the same rate received, leaving the school right where it started, inadequate funding of insufficient institutions with poorly paid teachers, a truly vicious cycle...

I don't know what actually happens with budget dollars, but somethin', somethin, just ain't right. Certainly they can stop trying to sell us that lottery dollars fund education because it's just not so, which leaves me to beg the question of crowdfunding. 

I have shared the definition of crowdfunding below. Who's following the money? Who gets the money and for what purpose? Salaries? Nebulous administrative fees? Paid to whom? Projects? Whose? Private or public entities? Who? What?

There are lots of questions that our government(s) should be asking. They should be readily able to tell us who is minding the candy store, readily able to ensure us that the current people or entities "running numbers" is legit. 

It smells like something funky is going on and we are contributing to it and/or ignoring what seems like a very visible elephant trampling about the room. This type of crowdfunding, aka lottery, can be used to do good. Enslaved Denmark Vesey bought his freedom and that of his family through a lottery system. Look it up. dylan roof did... 

There is good that can be derived from the concept or proclaimed premise of today's lottery but We The People, as concerned citizens, in the interest of good government, and protection of ourselves, need to demand an accounting of what "good" this modern day lottery is doing. I'm Just Askin' the question(s),  and so should you.

Definition:

Crowdfunding is a way to raise money for an individual or organization by collecting donations through family, friends, friends of friends, strangers, businesses, and more. By using social media, people can reach more potential donors than traditional forms of fundraising.

Ask yourself, are we crowdfunding?  For whom and for what purpose?

~ Miss Higgi Really Wants to Know...

A Conversation To Be Had...

Recently, just the other day, I was involved in a lively discussion about politics with a racially diverse group, mostly women, all dems. We talked about how out of touch the democrats are. We agreed that they are a bunch of wusses with no backbone who don't have long-term vision or a strategic plan.

I shared with them that there are calls for Black people to sit out the vote to show the power of our vote. Let America suffer... 

One white woman was aghast, "how could Black people sit out the vote? They know, if it's going to be bad for white people, it's gonna be worse for Black people", "Don't they know that?", she pondered. 

I said to her that Black people are tired of voting for the betterment of other peoples' lives. The Asian hate crime bill, DACA for the Latino community, gay marriage and transgender rights. Meanwhile, Black Americans don't have a permanent right to vote in America. It is voted upon every 25 years. How many democratic administrations have we had that didn't address this? SMH.

Talk about being sick and tired of being sick and tired. This is what it looks like...

Americans in general are fickle and single issue voters who will vote against their own interests based on one policy. The dems are in trouble and Black people are tired of saving them.  

Quite frankly, I cannot fathom voting for christie or any of these other republican candidates as suggested by a Black Woman in another discussion. And I don't appreciate politicians flipping the party script on their voters post election no matter what side of the aisle or what their race, that's just deceptive and wrong, but something has got to be done... 

If ever there was a need for a third party, it is now. And maybe it is Black folks who will rise and make that happen. Who knows? But bruvas' who follow trump, or even the likes of chocolate dipped tim scott, cannot lead the Black delegation. They don't even get to march in our parade. They are definitely out of step with the beat of our collective community drum. They have lost their place, their timing, and their rhythm. They can't even dance. Guilty feet have got no rhythm...

What are we, Black folks, to do? I know not the answer. The burden of the load is too heavy. 

There is a conversation to be had y'all. Let's have it...

Is Dignity An Inherent Trait?

I was in a training class yesterday where a distinction was made between dignity and respect. It was suggested that the two are often confused. The instructor defined dignity as an inherent trait that we are all born with while respect has to be earned, yet, he continued, we use the terms interchangeably. 

I objected that as a descendant of a people forced into chattel slavery, kidnapped, sold, raped, torn apart from our babies and our families, tortured in unmentionable ways for more than 400 years, I cannot subscribe to any notion that people who deny others the very basics of humanity, are born with dignity. The two just don't reconcile...

Dignity is not inherent. There is not "a little good" in all of us as we tell one another to try and understand the depths of depravity of those who commit sins and unthinkable acts against others. Some of us are just pure evil and have ZERO regard for dignity, ours or that of others.

The instructor was taken aback by the comment. I'm not sure he has seriously contemplated his response, that he "considers people individually", or use of such content in his training. He is a Black man, a Morehouse Man. I am surprised he had not considered this distinction himself. I will consider that perhaps I am conflating dignity with morality, but either way, neither is an inherent trait. There is not good and honor in everyone...

What say ye'?

James Baldwin speaks:

https://www.facebook.com/reel/1241583719856549?mibextid=9drbnH

Justice For Tierra; Detained in Dubai

 

Talk about crazy! The embedded Newsweek article fails to emphasize that Tierra Allen, 29, is a young Black Woman being detained in Dubai for daring to respond in kind to a presumably Muslim man yelling at her.

This is not the first I am hearing of a Black Woman being arrested and detained in Dubai over some BS!

I respect that each country  has the right to do as it pleases, enforce laws that make  sense to them. I respect that I do not have to understand or agree with said laws nor do I believe outsiders have the right to try and change or westernize the laws of other countries. More  importantly, however, I recognize that I am under no obligation to visit said countries. So, I don't...

Dubai is officially scratched off my list of places to visit. Read this article and be informed about the petty things others have been detained for.

Be well informed about a country before you travel.

Kudos to Tierra's Mom, Tina Baxter, for getting this in the public eye and to Newsweek for publishing her story. This is likely a much bigger problem and happening more often than we know. Hopefully, the magazine and other news sources will be inspired to launch an investigative series. How many people are detained in Dubai? How many of them are women? Black Women? Inquiring and traveling minds should want to know...

Meanwhile, share this article with others, pressure US officials to get Tierra home and stay the hell out of Dubai OR at least be sure to know the laws before you get there! This could very easily be you. Think about it...

https://www.newsweek.com/american-woman-jail-dubai-trucker-tierra-allen-dubai-screaming-1813320

#JusticeForTierra

Fix OUR Crown

Call me old. Call me prudish. It may be so. I will own it...

I do not think, however, that our young women know, or perhaps they don't care about, the hurdles Black women have overcome in terms of demanding dignity, respect and the right not to be regarded as sexual property to be raped on demand. This imagery of unclothed or scantily clothed Black Women on public display feeds some very disturbing history.

Our foremothers were raped. No one could protect us, not even our men. Miss Anne, modern day "Becky", resented us (still resents us) because her man couldn't stay away (thank God Black Women now have choice, he still wouldn't stay away...), somehow it was our fault. We made her "man" violate and rape us and bare his children whose eyes she recognized as his when they peered back at her daily. I can only imagine the hurt turned to rage...

Historically, Black Women have been stereotyped as "lose", "jezebel" or "hypersexual" beings therefore legitimizing the rape of us dating back to slavery. Somehow, "we asked for it"...

These young Black women are feeding a very damaging dialogue or depiction of us and seem not to know or care that their "shock value" behavior and/or attire is harmful [to us] as they justify the absurdity with some new nonsense catch-all phrase, "respectability politics", the latest of many newfound buzz words used to justify or distract from the unacceptable or the inexplicable...

There is sexy, there is suggestive and then there is downright tasteless and classless. Sadly, this new generation seems mostly attracted to or influenced by the latter. They are role models to the next generation of young Black Women whether they want to be or not. They are being watched and imitated by our baby girls.

My generation knew there was a difference between the behavior and dress of entertainers and us. We separated. This generation does not. What will their "shock value" be or will the pendulum swing back?

Perhaps our parents said some of these things about us too. Perhaps our morals and a standard to be "ladylike" has deteriorated over time as we have adopted feminism, an ideology that has not served us well in so many ways...

I am mindful and very careful to consider that yep', I might be getting old, never forgetting, that I, too, was a young, sexy thang'. I remember being bothered by and complaining to my Mom about older women acting jealous or insecure about my body and my simply becoming a woman. I vowed never to envy or deny women younger then me their beauty and their right to be young and sexy. I value their beauty, their shapeliness and their youth and I tell them to embrace and enjoy every moment!

Each generation it seems  is critical of the next. Maybe that's the natural order of things. No matter I slice it, however, this generation seems out of control. No barriers, no judgment, no consideration of our past, no sense of regard for us as community, as a collective. These young Black women,  knowingly or not, are playing to every stereotype. It is shameful, it is unwise, void of introspection or forethought. It is exhausting and disturbing to see...

Fix OUR crowns young Sistahs. This is not who we are...

#teamIndieArie