While no one is perfect and certainly we all have those days
when we lose our cool and say or do things that we might say or do differently
given a retake, I find it hard to accept when folks are deliberately and
consistently mean and nasty. My contempt is not reserved for the outwardly mean
and nasty, I have similar disdain for the “passive aggressives”. You know
those “nice”, meek, mild manner folks that everyone loves who smile in your face as they twist a jagged and honey coated knife in
your back. They are actually worse than the overt mean guy because you didn’t
see them coming. They are wolves in sheep clothing who, when confronted, will feign ignorance regarding the
impact of their covert, but very deliberate and mean-spirited activity.
No matter the inspiration or intent, I don’t get mean and
nasty. I really don’t. It seems to take much more energy to be unkind than it
does to be nice. If being nice and respectful of others presents such a huge burden,
then do those around you a favor and be absent or indifferent. Just ignore us. When
in doubt regarding the perception or impact of your behavior, imagine yourself
as the recipient of YOU. How would your behavior make you feel? Warm and fuzzy?
Respected? If not, ease up!!!
Conversely, if you are on the receiving end of Mr/Mrs “Congeniality’s”
random acts of “kindness”, you have a responsibility to manage how you are
treated. It’s all about perception. If you emit that you are a doormat, you
will be walked upon and treated as such. If you exude confidence, love of self
and a willingness to defend yourself, your adversaries, real or imagined, will
make note of such and accordingly temper their interactions with and treatment
of you. They will know, or come to know, that you will prove a force with whom
they will surely have to reckon. Some will respect this position and not shy
away from the inevitable show down, others will be intimidated and retreat or, at
least, temper their behavior.
As long as you don’t pick the fight, another’s response to
your defense of you is not your problem to manage. My advice is for as long as
you can, take the high road and where possible, avoid confrontation. Try to
diffuse or redirect the situation. However, when diplomacy, tact and civility fall
by the wayside, handle your business!!! Push back HARD and push back DECISIVELY!!!
Often I quote a pre-school teacher’s description of my younger sister’s social behavior;
“will bite when provoked”. Translation
– Don’t bother me, I won’t bother you.
It ain’t rocket science folks! Do Unto Others…
