ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE!!!
Only The Strong Survive, Jerry Butler (1969)
I remember as a child of a single Mother who was not even 30, left all alone by a deadbeat "dad" who wanted to party, be a ladies "man" and dabble in drugs and boos more than he wanted to be dad, with FIVE mouths to feed. There was a period where I vividly remember her playing this song over and over. Drinking coffee, smoking a cigarette, in deep thought obviously contemplating life...I did not understand then, I just knew that she seemed sad or had something really heavy on her mind that I could not fix or make better, a helpless feeling for a kid... She must have been scared shitless but she never made her burden our burden... How hard that must have been...
I understand now however that listening to this song must have given her strength. Perhaps it was like a mantra for her. She KNEW that she had to survive. She had to survive so that her FIVE babies c/would survive.
I know nothing of being hungry, wearing tattered, soiled or hand me down clothes, being responsible for raising or caring for my younger siblings, being cold, living without lights, heat, food or anything of the kind. As a matter of fact, in hindsight, I think she overdid it. She probably overcompensated and shielded and protected us just a little too much. That's what good Black Mamas do... I wish however she had focused more on herself. Rest her soul...
Oh yeah, we were definitely poor, but like so many other poor Black children with STRONG Black Mamas who LOVED their children sometimes more than they loved themselves and who innately knew how to survive, we had no idea of how poor we were. As a matter of fact, other kids used to say, "them Higginbothams got money!". Now that was funny. We might not have how poor we were but we damn sure knew that we didn't have money!! We thought it puzzling that other kids could even think it. Despite what the media will have one believe about Black families, I think we were only one of two families in my immediate neighborhood who lived in a single parent home. The only other that comes to mind was a single Father raising his two sons, another anomaly if you believe the media hype...
The last time I can vividly associate this song with my Mom was in 2010. I was in the cemetery where she is buried attending the burial of a childhood matriarch who was like a Family member. I parked near Mommy's tombstone. Of course I visited her grave while I was there... When I got in the car to leave, I turned on the radio and could not believe my ears. Much to my surprise, Only the Strong Survive was blaring from WDAS, the radio station I grew up listening to... For a moment, I thought to be spooked but instead I looked toward her grave and after driving a bit, I accepted it as sign that Mommy was talking to me and reminding me that she is still with me and of course that ONLY the strong survive. At that time, I needed to hear that... I love that memory and share it on this day with my younger cousins who just lost their Mom. In time they will come to know that she is with you as much today as she was just a few days ago. She, like my Mother and their Grandmother, for whom I am proudly named, will make sure they know that... In the meantime, my prayers are with them...
In these days of political uncertainty, may we not be afraid but instead be reminded to find strength in
Like my Mama, find your mantra song. Play it often. Play it LOUD! Sing it! Shout it! Dance to it! Do whatever. Just let it resonate in your soul, soothe your mind and give you much resolve when the ordinary of late seems so very crazy or when the world seems to be dishing more than which you think you can bear. Know that you will be just fine and hang in there...
