This will seem a morbid post to most because we don't talk about suicide, at least not from my perspective but it is on my heart so here goes it. Be prepared, I am unapologetically and decisively Pro-Choice and I honor one's right to choose...
As I sit here in the middle of my bed listening to the roar of the ocean outside my hotel window contemplating yet another year of life, spending time on my birthday looking forward, looking backward, deciding what I need, should have, could have or ought be doing in my own world, I hear of the death by choice of
Anthony Bourdain.
Suicide, as much as is abortion, is a life choice. One has the right to choose to begin life or to end it. I see both as very difficult, deeply personal and private decisions. In both, input from others can always be constructive and redefining. In both decisions, others will always have their opinion about what we should or should not do and probably will want the opportunity to help us to make another decision. But at the end of the day, both are highly personal and individual decisions. A decision that our loved ones must respect...
We never know the pain that another bears or what is the breaking point for someone else. Therefore we should never judge whatever decision one makes for his or her own life or regarding that which grows inside his or her body, be it a baby or conversely, an inoperable tumor, a deadly disease, built up, unbearable emotional pain or the like. Who are we to decide for another that which s/he must bear or how much s/he should continue to suffer even when we think we could have helped them to make another, and in our mind, a better, decision? We must accept that it was not our decision to make...
Perhaps, if as a society, we were less judgmental or open to discuss or accept suicide as a life option or a life choice, those contemplating the taking of his or her life might opt to talk to us about what s/he is dealing with inside. Perhaps if we were more open to the realness of suicide, we would be given an opportunity to coax or support our loved one toward another life choice. Perhaps... I don't know...
There is a reason, and I don't know what it is, that most who take their lives don't discuss it with others first. Can we have that conversation?
There is a reason that an honorable man like Jack Kevorkian who understood one's right to die by choice and with dignity was
condemned by our society. He was ahead of his time...
There is a reason that an elderly friend of mine was so upset with his long time friend who opted to end his life that he, my friend, refused to attend his funeral. He was angry at and judged his friend's choice. Nothing I said could make him change his mind and respect his friend's decision because his friend "didn't have to do that"...
Let us not forget that young newlywed,
Brittany Maynard, who in 2014 tried to die with honor and dignity and who shared with the world, perhaps to help another, the difficulty but more importantly, the peace of her decision to end her life. Her public disclosure, was perhaps, her suicide note or effort to say goodbye to or to calm the minds and reassure those she would leave behind. There can and should be dignity in death. Americans could not cope and did not respect her space nor her choice for her life. Still, she was true to her own decision and now thankfully, she rests in peace...
As with abortion, we are too caught up in the judgement of one's decision to die by choice. Or perhaps we are consumed with the guilt of how or why we could have been a better friend or family member who "should have seen the signs"... Who knows? Gladly, I have not walked in these shoes but this is how I would hope to respond. Yes, I would try to convince my friend or loved one who confided in me to decide otherwise, but ultimately I would respect his or her decision.
I say respect, not judge nor feel guilt or responsibility for the life choice of another. Regret and feel sorrow for your loss and the pain they must have been in but pray that s/he is at peace. I think, because surely I do not know, that is what our loved ones who have opted to go on before us, by choice or per destiny, want or would want us to do.
People like Anthony Bourdain and
Robin Williams before him, are people, who for all outward appearances, lived their lives to the fullest. If we must take anything away from their deaths by choice, let it be that we too, should do our best to live what life we have to the fullest, be good to others and true to ourselves, who we are and what we want for our lives and not by that which others want or desire our lives to be. Be true to you... It is your life, take stock and then take control... That is the message I will take from Mr. Bourdain who took his life on the day I choose to celebrate my birth and the beginning of my own life...
I believe that Mr. Bourdain was in pain, mental or physical. I believe in my heart that he has found peace and that his mind, body and soul are at rest... I believe that...
He, Robin and many others lived a purposeful and meaningful lives that positively impacted others as is evident in the worldwide response to their ultimate choice in life. Mr. Bourdain lived a good life... Let that be his legacy that inspires us each to do the same...
The headline below should read, "Anthony Bourdain Bids Us Farewell at the Tender Age of 61"... Don't mourn our loss but celebrate his life! That's my birthday lesson in his death. Most who read this will not understand because this is not how we are conditioned to think... But it's all good...
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TIME.COM
Anthony Bourdain Found Dead at 61 From Apparent Suicide.
He was found dead in his hotel room.
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In life:
Be good to others...
Love your peeps...
Make sure they know it and
Live your life on your terms and with minimal regrets...
~ Welcome to the No Judgement Zone... ~
I am
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Are You? |
