The Realities of Reality TV

A few weeks ago I was invited to speak to an all girls after school club. The topic was self esteem and the girls ranged in age from 12 to 17. I followed another woman who had understandably captivated their attention with a make up demonstration. My work was cut out for me but oddly enough, I too was able to strike a chord and capture their attention.

Among other things, we talked about reality TV. I was curious about their impressions and what they thought of the images of America being broadcast around the world. Specifically, I asked the girls how many watch a popular cable show called “The Bad Girls Club.” A few got really excited and admitted to watching it. The Bad Girls Club is a show encouraging “bad” girls residing in a big house together, to each behave more badly than the others. As a result, they engage in really outrageous behavior. It shows the girls being mostly out of control. We talked about a few other shows including “Bridezilla”, “Girls Gone Wild”, “My Super Sweet 16” and few of the instant mega “stars” such as Paris Hilton, The Kardashian sisters, video vixens and the like. The common theme of these persons and these shows is Americans behaving badly, particularly young American females. Ultimately, my goal was to impress upon them the power of media, the importance of image and how one’s perception is truly their reality until presented with something new, something better or a different “reality”…

I first shared with them a story about stumbling upon a beach in The Gambia, Africa and finding African teenagers who reminded me very much of American teenagers. It was clear that they were influenced by American images. They were dressed like our teens, listening to the same music as our teens and trying very hard to be “cool” like our teens. I remember then pondering the power of media, more specifically, the power of rap. I remember thinking just how wonderful it would be if rap artists were instead sending positive images, particularly of Black youth, around the world. Sorry, I digress. Back to the girls…

Talking about Africa allowed me to introduce discussion regarding perceptions and to get them thinking about how these impressions [of them] are forever memorialized and are being transmitted around the world. I wanted to know what perception they thought these shows and others gave about American girls their age. They were quick to throw out adjectives, “easy”, “sluts”, “tramps”, “whores”, “spoiled brats”, “bullies”, etc. It is noteworthy that their impressions were all negative and they were quick to disassociate themselves from their descriptions. They responded a resounding “no” when I asked if any of them wanted to be regarded as the persons they described, as the persons they idolize on TV.

More recently I stumbled across HBO Family TV. The show which was narrated by actor Samuel L. Jackson featured children dealing with a host of problems from drug and alcohol abuse to depression, anger and problems with self esteem. While the problems with the featured children were evident, what disturbed me more were the comments and behaviors of the “normal” children. They proudly played to the camera and unashamedly boasted about why they shun and mistreat select members of their peer group.

They criticized that these kids shop at and wear Walmart brands while they shop at and wear the likes of Abercrombie and Fitch, Fossil, and other designers. They boasted about collectively moving to another lunch table whenever one of their undesirable peers joined them at “their” lunch table. They outwardly criticized other students for being poor, unattractive, unclean and a host of other things. They felt very proud of being mean and disrespectful to others. My instant thought was how do their parents feel when they see their “normal” children behaving this way? I wondered in this day of Columbine, at what point do we get concerned that perhaps not only the child with the gun might have a problem and/or be responsible for the tragedy. I wondered how these children will feel when as adults they see how badly they behaved and how as future parents they will explain it to or counsel their own children who might land on the either side of the popularity coin, the bully or the bullied.

Then it occurred to me that our children’s behavior is simply a mirror image of our adult behavior. Daily we subject our children to images of adults behaving badly, engaging in various forms of adult bullying, if you will. I wondered what is the “reality” being transmitted to and presumably accepted by our youth when they see adults on TV resuming the childish ways of their youth, when they see grown ups adorning material things and pursuing “Bling” at all costs, when they see obnoxious behavior being rewarded in terms of instant fame, lucrative contracts or instantly acquired large sums of money, when they see politicians disrespecting their peers, taking bribes, cheating on their wives, lying to the public, winning at all costs, when they see/hear talking heads and reporters alike committed to maintaining a contrived 24 hour news cycle and making a rather lucrative living embellishing or stirring up drama, making news out of no news, taking cheap shots and exploiting the misfortunes or misdeeds of others all the while justifying their tele-bullying because the “accused” is in the public spotlight, when they see parents at children sporting events bullying the coach or child player or fist fighting amongst themselves.

These are the same adults who counsel, advise and rear our young. Really?

These are the same adults who stand in judgment of teachers and celebrities who they know nothing about personally but who they have arbitrarily elevated to the status of role model for their children who they presumably know everything about. Really?

These are the same parents who have no sense that collectively WE are responsible for OUR children and the images we transmit to them daily. Yes, Really!

When do we learn that one’s perception is far too often their only perception and therefore becomes their reality? When do we learn that it is our responsibility, as best we can, to manage the reality of others, particularly where our children are concerned? Of course not all reality TV is bad and certainly it is not the sole culprit. But far too much of it serves to discredit the American image in our minds, the minds of our children and certainly the international psyche. We should not sit idly by and therefore be complicit in the demise of our youth and the decay of our global image. When do we accept that it is our responsibility to portray something new, something better, a different “reality”?

I’m Just Sayin’...