Manners 101: What Ever Happened to Thank You?

As we approach graduation season, I find myself thinking about manners and pondering what we are teaching our children...

Just a few weeks ago I attended a scholarship brunch in support of a friend who was being honored for years of community service work. As part of the program three law students were being awarded scholarships in the amount of $4,000 each. Much to my amazement only one of the three students showed up in appreciation of this honor and to accept her award. One student, I will call "Ms Hollywood", sent a video acceptance speech because she was "too busy studying" to be bothered by some banquet in her honor, you know like important people do when they can't make it to the Grammys... The remaining student sent her Mother to accept her award. In her defense, she attends some far away school and maybe it really was a hardship for her to attend. Conversely however, Ms Hollywood was "studying" just across the bridge, less than an hour away... She couldn't break for $4,000? Really?

Call me old skool', but I have no tolerance for such behavior and I have to wonder who is to blame. At the law school level, we are dealing with young adults, so who do we hold at fault? The parents, who perhaps did not stress the importance of politeness and basic manners? Or do we blame the student who maybe has forgotten his or her manners but by now who certainly should have some sense of right and wrong and what is correct? I'm Just Askin'...

So not to single out these young ladies or this event, in all fairness, this is not the first time I have seen this happen. I am no less appalled however. A friend reminded me that we had a similar experience when I accompanied her to a scholarship luncheon for high school graduates last year. There too, very few recipients showed up. She reported this year however that NONE of the recipients showed up. I suspect that next year my lawyer friends will have a similar response. By allowing that only one of three recipients shows up to receive her scholarship, they inadvertently set the stage for none to show up in subsequent years. It will be interesting to hear...

Observance of this behavior immediately brought to mind Graduation 2010. I am certain that last year I sent at least 6 or 7 graduation cards, containing checks of varying amounts depending upon the level of graduation. I might be exaggerating to say that I got three thank you notes and two of them were from two children in the same family. Again, what are we teaching are children?

It seems to me that whenever someone is kind enough to acknowledge you, your accomplishments or gives you something, the least that one can do is show up to say thank you, send a card, give a call, DO SOMETHING! I'm Just Sayin'...

While I am no longer a member of this organization, I am a former recipient of their scholarship. I was much appreciative of the honor and recognition bestowed me. Certainly as a struggling law student, I was appreciative of the financial award. Not showing up to say thank you simply was not an option. Finals and all, I showed up...

Before leaving this otherwise very pleasant event, I made it perfectly clear to anyone who would listen, that going forward, barring really extenuating circumstances, it seems that a condition of acceptance should be that the recipient is available to attend the brunch, properly receive the award and give appropriate thanks.

Yes it is a new day and we can give this generation much more than what our parents may have been able to give us, but if we over indulge them and shower them with gifts and material things but deny them the basic gifts of manners and common courtesy, what will have we accomplished? At best we will have committed a greater sin, done them a greater injustice than if we were to deny them material things in a world where they are surrounded by riches.

Recognizing that I have become intolerant of indifference and being taken for granted in my old age, I measured my response against that of a few friends of varying ages. I was comforted to learn that they too were appalled and agreed with my position. One friend said her guiding principle is that she does not use a gift until she has properly thanked the person who gave it to her. I like that...

So as we approach graduation 2011, summer weddings, birthday celebrations, baby showers, etc., etc., please be mindful that no one owes us anything. If someone is kind enough, proud enough to acknowledge you and/or your accomplishments, take a minute to say "Thank You!" That is the least you can do...

I'm Just Sayin'...