On Becoming...

Is anyone else reading Michelle Obama's book, Becoming? She, like many who have studied hard  and paid a bundle to become attorneys, shares that early in her career she realized that she hated being a lawyer. Despite making big bucks, it did not fulfill her. How many of us have had that realization about being an attorney or whatever is our chosen profession? When and why did we have that epiphany and what did we do about it?

I was also surprised, but more impressed, to read her admission of failing the bar on round one and how devastating that felt to her. Making such an admission, speaks to her level of confidence and how comfortable she is in her skin. Most folks take that one to their grave with them no matter how brilliant they become, as a matter of fact ESPECIALLY when perceived and admired as brilliant so not to disturb the perception of brilliance at the expense of being perceived and still admired for normalcy... She was someone who had never failed at anything. Can't say I never failed at anything but not passing the bar on the first time out was a hard pill to swallow. It definitely puts a chunk in your armor of self confidence.

I felt wounded until I spoke with someone I considered, like Michelle Obama, a brilliant woman, a former professor from Howard University who had multiple letters behind her name; MBA, CPA, Esq and Phd! She was the bomb and I admired everything about her, but mostly her grace and intelligence. I was floored when she shared that she too zonked the first time out! I could not believe it. She built me back up, made me laugh and told me, "Ms. Higginbotham, the only person who has never passed the bar is the person who stopped taking it". I dusted my pride off and took it again. Michelle's admission about overcoming "failure" likely helped a lot of folks who will read her book. Her honesty and "can do" spirit will serve to encourage so many more to stand in their truth and just keep pushing to BECOME who they know they can and should be. Flip the script, failing nurtures growth...

Like Michelle, I realized early on that I was not so enthused with many aspects of the practice of law (that's another blog). I still struggle with it because I am a natural advocate and feel sometimes like I have cheated those who I can help and/or compromised my voice... I wonder if our shared misgivings about the practice has some relation to our shared bar experience. Was our subconscious talking to us before even we knew? Who knows? But again, I find that I am in good company! (smile) At the end of the day, being a lawyer, practicing or not, still has far reaching benefits so if it is your dream, don't be discouraged. Do some serious soul searching, intern at a law firm or two, hang out in the back of a courtroom, be sure you want it and go for it! Just don't pay for it! LOL!!! Find scholarships.

It is a very good book and is literally and rightfully selling like hotcakes! She is being very candid and transparent about her life and how she BECAME [the phenomenal woman that she is...] I will see her in NYC on Saturday night. Looking forward to it. This is good read and I hope that you all are checking it out. Too busy to read it? Get it on audio. Let her read it to you while you drive to do what I hope is your dream to BECOMING you!!!

While Flying With "Becky Sue"...

Recently I took a flight from NJ to NC. Thankfully it was a very short flight. Not sure how I ended up with a middle seat but I did. I prefer aisle seats. As luck would have it, I ended up between a zero personality but harmless guy and a blonde female exuding attitude and seemingly annoyance as soon as she sat down. I will name her, "Becky Sue"... 

While I can be overly friendly, I appreciate that some folks just aren't. I recognize the frustration of the Becky Sues in the world in dealing with the harsh reality that life has deemed them as "common" as I and sadly they cannot afford their private, "whites only", airplane which requires that sometimes, fate is not in their favor, and they just might have to sit in close proximity to folks who don't look like them... I appreciate their pain so I give them their space as much as is possible on a cramped airplane and try not to be a nuisance. Not! But I am less bothered and do nothing deliberate to add to their misery. Overall I suck it up too and am damn thankful along with them when it is a short flight.

On the heels of the results of the election revealing that again white women overwhelmingly supported racism, bigotry and white [male] supremacy, coupled with the fact that I am traveling to the south, I may be a little sensitive to or less tolerant of Becky Sue's aura. Although when I travel south, I consciously put myself in check before I go and accept that because of our history, it is sometimes me who pre-judges that I am dealing with racism. I caution myself not to jump to hasty conclusions because there are good folks everywhere...

Becky Sue however, seemed to fit the mold. Maybe it had something to do with the t-shirt I was wearing boldly proclaiming, "We Are the 96%!, Black Women Too Smart to Vote For trump!" Maybe that pissed her off. 

Or maybe she is part of the 53%, White Women Who voted For trump or the 76%, White Women Who Voted Against Stacey Abrams but for brian kemp in the GA governor's race, some who stand "with" me and call themselves Democrat, liberal, progressive, feminist or my "sister". OK...

Again, given the stats from nationwide elections on Tuesday, I attribute girlfriends distasteful aura to the distinct possibility that she had some pre-judgements going on about me before she even sat down. Who knows? But her "annoyance" attitude screamed that if the plane was not so crowded, surely she would have requested another seat. Po' Thing!!! 

She nearly died when the spoon from which I had eaten, dropped in her seat as I reached across her to hand my trash to the flight attendant. I swear, I did NOT drop it on purpose. It really did drop accidentally. But I must say that I did laugh inside at her visible discomfort especially when we never found the spoon. We were sitting too close together in our cramped conditions to adequately be able to look for it. It landed in some crevice. But hell, it was just a spoon. A spoon with remnants of my saliva on it that unfortunately fell somewhere in her space. I felt terrible that she had to fly for another half hour or so being subjected to even the thought. Chuckle. Chuckle... Call it divine intervention. Lucky for both of us, this would be less than a two hour flight.

Feeling pretty certain that skin color was Becky Sue's problem with me, I was ever so happy to be reading an Ebony Magazine that thankfully had a Black person jumping off every page. Beautiful, colorful Black folks to include a feature story on Bryan Stevenson boldly entitled, "From Slavery to Mass Incarceration" talking about the wonderful museum and memorial he has opened in Alabama daring to memorialize and remind America of her of two of her greatest atrocities; slavery and mass lynching which he aptly calls "racial terror lynching". I caught Becky Sue reading over my shoulder when she thought I was glancing out the window. Embarrassed, she quickly turned away when I unexpectedly looked her way.

Reading an Ebony might seem insignificant but to angry, insecure White folks, that Black folks have pride in ourselves and spaces exclusive to us that does not include them, need their approval or that they just don't understand, bothers the heck out of them. Such is the foundation of questions such as why do we need our own TV station, why they protest that Black Lives Matter or why inevitably White women complain that they are left out when Black Girls Rock or P-Diddy pays tribute to us...

Insecurities and some innate, if not incessant need to control non-white folks, especially in white spaces, kicks in high gear and of course, if they are not involved in or consulted about whatever is the occurrence, we must be conspiring to overthrow or do White folks some harm. You know, like when we are at work seen eating or talking together. We can't be just eating or talking together while Black, as do they when they gather to eat or meet in the workplace, we have to be plotting an overthrow, revenge or something of the like adverse to their standing as white folks. Meet mr. trump...

Call it paranoia or although unfounded, call it fear of karma. Newsflash, if Black folks have not retaliated for all the harm done us for centuries in this country, it is safe to assume that it is probably not in the plans... When Black folks gather it is not to the exclusion of others but instead in the interest of us. Gathering or otherwise sharing or celebrating us and our culture, is how we mend, nurture, heal and take care of us in a world that would deny us our right to simply be... Sometimes we just take our time and create our space. It is unapologetic and has everything to do with us. So please rest your mind...

Sitting next to Hilly from the movie, The Help, I mean Becky Sue, for two hours feeling her negative energy on the eve of very disturbing election results from those who would call me "sister", conjured these thoughts for me. Sadly, unlike the character Minny, also from The Help, I did not have a nice slice of pecan pie to offer Ms Hilly... I guess the inadvertent drop of my spoon in her lap was as close as I was gonna' get to delivering southern hospitality for that flight...


#iamnotafeminist

CONCEDE NOTHING!!!

This is my response to news that Mayor Gillum has conceded in Florida:

Not that I have been watching the returns. My TV is off and I have been mostly off-line this evening. I do not have all the details (and I would dare say neither does Mr. Gillum) but I am disappointed that Mr.  Gillum has conceded. I think young Dems should paint a new picture for the party. Fight back and stop rolling over.

It is not unrealistic to believe that repugs cheated across the board and certainly no one has paid a price for tampering in the 2016 debacle so what incentive to do otherwise now? I would wish that FL, GA & TX especially challenged the results and made the repugs prove they won.

They count on Dems conceding and that's what they do. Hillary should have rescinded her concession as soon as it became conclusive that the russians had interfered. She had every right. A concession is a friendly, non-binding agreement entered into in good faith. Once it became clear that there was nothing good or faithful about the results, the Dems should have fought back. From hanging chads to russians playing roulette with American politics, Enough Already!

I expect the Dems in the house to give the orange jerk, double chin mcconnell, Latino denial "ted" cruz and all the rest of the republican patsies hell! No time to play nice. That is not why they were sent there. Handle it! Put the brakes on this state of mass destruction...

Back to the main point, CONCEDE NOTHING! MAKE THEM PROVE THEY "WON"!

NO EXCUSES!!! VOTE!!!

What will today bring? None of us knows... Sadly some of my angst has to do with dirty politics. I wish I could feel confident that the process of democracy was truly valued in this country as so we tout and that the process of our politics respected the will and the presence of We the People at the ballot box. Not so sure. Folks want to win at any expense, are scared shitless (on both sides for different reasons) and will stop at nothing to be declared the victor...

With that being said, our presence at the polls is just that much more imperative. Sitting it out today just ain't an option. Although I want that we are less predictable in our voting and I do want that we exercise different options and make politicians earn our votes instead of our blind loyalty to any one party, this ain't the election to make that point.

Normally I would not advocate straight ticket voting but I do today. To do otherwise is to endorse what is happening to America which ain't making it great for most of us... No matter the intent or the position of the red candidate, to vote republican today is to send a message to the reincarnation of hitler occupying our white house and no matter the position of the red candidate, he will boldly claim it as such... To vote red today is an endorsement of a message of hate, xenophobia, misogyny and racial division. To vote red today says that the killing and maiming of innocent people at the hands of angry white supremacists is OK... To vote red today says that you are not bothered that America has lost global credibility and has become an international laughing stock... To vote red today just sends a bad message on so many levels but most importantly, to vote red today says you don't give a damn about the next generation. I am not a parent but...

It is 6am. The polls just opened in NYC. I only have to walk to my lobby and vote. I don't even have to take off my pajamas. Not that it was ever an option but it is just too easy for me not to vote. I hope that you will not allow anything to get in the way of your voting today. If for no other reason, be inspired to vote today because folks tried to stop you from voting! They KNOW that your vote counts. Show them that you do too!

Vote like your freedom of ________________, fill in the blank, depends on it. It probably does...

Drown out the noise today and just vote!!! Blue is such a lovely and calming color. IJS...

Ask me how to get the t-shirt!!! 

NO EXCUSES!!! VOTE!!!!