A serious question y'all, why the disparity in how we honor Black fathers as opposed to Black mothers? 🤷🏾
On Sunday I hosted a gathering to celebrate Black Fathers. It was the smallest crowd that I've ever had on any of my calls, less than 20 people showed up. ZERO Black men showed up. One did text a regret as he'd gotten a last minute birthday dinner invitation. Happy Birthday Friend!!! Otherwise, no men...
It left me with so many questions.
Did people not show up because they don't feel Black fathers are worthy of celebration? Do bad daddy stories overshadow good daddy stories? 🤷🏾
Black men complain all the time that Black mothers are held in higher regard. Still, even they didn't show up to be celebrated or to celebrate themselves.
I would like to think that people were not available because they were spending quality time with dear old dad. Not so sure...
In speaking with a friend yesterday morning, she shared that her pastor expressed from the pulpit his disappointment in the disparity of how we celebrate Mothers and Fathers on their special day. He noted that when he called XYZ restaurant expecting not to be able to get a reservation on Father's Day, given such short notice, he was told to come on down. He didn't need a reservation. There was plenty of room. On Mother's Day at XYZ restaurant, one had to have made the reservation at least a month in advance. He pondered why not the same for Father's Day.
Interesting, right?
So why didn't Black folks show up on Sunday to celebrate Black fathers with When Black Women Gather? As on Mother's Day, I wasn't expecting a large turnout. But almost no turnout? I wasn't expecting that...
Thank you to those ladies who did show up. Your stories were inspiring. Keep telling them...
It's a serious question y'all. Something has gone awry in our community. We see it, we know it all too well. More importantly, however, we know that we MUST address it.
Concerned that some people might have felt conflicted about "celebrating Black Fathers" because they didn't have a positive story to tell, I expanded the celebration beyond fathers to include brothers, sons, mentors, even historic or public Black male figures they admire, any Black male who has inspired or encouraged them. Still, they didn't show up... 🤷🏾
Let me be clear that when I host gatherings in celebration of Black mothers, invariably there are daughters who tell me they did not have a positive experience with their mother. So, the hurt and disappointment goes both ways. Overwhelmingly, however, bad Mom or not, the celebration of Black mothers far exceeds that of Black fathers.
This year, almost without exception, I made a special effort to acknowledge all the men in my phone for Father's Day with a text message of the image below, even some with whom I no longer communicate. My wanting Black men in my life especially, to know they are seen, loved, and cared about, superseded personal differences. Most responded thanking me for thinking of them. Sadly, one friend responded that mine was the only greeting he received. He has children. 👀 Again, the hurt goes both ways...
I had gathered positive statistics to share during our gathering to celebrate Black fathers. Black fathers are much more involved and present in their children's lives than is acknowledged, even more than other men, but that's not the story we hear. Instead, we are overwhelmed with the negative. Gatherings such as mine, are essential for our collective soul. Itbis imperative that we tell our own stories. Black children must witness, hear, live, and experience our stories. Our children are our future and were welcome at this event...
I wanted to open with a poem, short story, or short video created by a Black contributor paying positive tribute to Black fathers. I must say finding such accolades was, sadly, quite the challenge. That's a problem y'all...
Years ago, in honor and respect of Black men who are holding it down, I stopped wishing Black women Happy Father's Day. I recognize that women, although sometimes forced to play both roles, cannot replace fathers in our lives. So, let us value and encourage them.
Please share, if you're open to it, what you think might have been the issue on Sunday. Maybe the sun was shining all around the United States, although my email list includes international participants, and people just had better things to do. I accept that too. I'm just curious...
Share too, if you don't mind, another topic you'd like to explore in gatherings of Black men and women. What do we want to know about one another and/or our experience of or relationships with the other?
My Black male cousin shared the link below for a positive Black Father movie currently playing on Netflix, Color Book. I haven't seen the movie yet, but the trailer looks inspiring. Check it out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPEmz5sBjwM
Thank you for indulging my question. Why the disparity and how do we overcome it? I love me some us and will always do my part to encourage that we heal, love, encourage, and honor one another.
FYI, I will not host a Gathering for the next two weeks as I will be away on a special journey of my own. I'll see you again on July 12th.
Take care of one another. We are all we've got and WE ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH!
In the Forever Spirit of Unity in Our Community,
~ Miss Higgi
Salutations Beloved Hellen, Sending Love,Light,Joy,And Prayers To All. Due to another previous commitment I was unable to attend. And have not been able to attend for a few weeks now. However, I really appreciate what You have just shared. Personally, I didn’t want Anyone to celebrate Me. (I’ll gladly share at another time) I did extend My Heart Sentiments with Men I know. I’d love to participate in a conversation on this topic. Thank You again for being “A Light” of this Universe sharing “Truth” Eternal Boundless Love,And Prayers To All🌹☀️❤️🤲🏽🙏🏾Allah’u’Abhá (GOD The All-Glorious)🙏🏾🤲🏽❤️☀️🌹
ReplyDeleteDear Helen thank U so very much from the bottom of my heart for your love concern vision hard work dedication and beauty. I’m a Black son brother companion and father of 2 beautiful biological children and 32 spiritual children all doing well. I’d like to attend to answer ur poignant question from my humble perspective. Good black men and fathers are good. We’re good because we know the Most High and the Most High has given us sisters like you. We don’t have to be in each other’s faces all the time. Knowing you’re there allows me to be the man I am. I’m happy and happy enough to share it with others as we (the good brothers) fight the good fight. Good brothers almost by definition are “Happy Warriors.” We have challenges but we will meet them. I was out celebrating Fathers Day in Father’s Day as were many others. I may not be on your calls but I follow you and LOVE what you do. I’m trying to say “We gon be Alright!” I don’t want you worrying. I want you to know that you are making a difference and be glad in that fact. I have a book coming out that shares how I had 32 kids 1 girl my first born and 31 sons one biological and 30 spiritual. They are all doing well. Maybe I can release it on your platform? Love ❤️ you. It’s alright. Be happy. You did the work. We gon be Alright!” In fact we’re soon to take our rightful place in this world. Love KB
ReplyDeleteThanks Helen. This is so important. As you know, I wrote a tribute to my father and even noted “you don’t have to be a father to be a “dad.” (we discussed my father’s day newsletter). That said, I think the problem is the American (meaning societal) hostility pathology historically projected against Black men. We can’t stop racism, but we can decide what we choose to buy into. I grew up with a wonderful father and both grandfathers. I don’t know if I’m rare in that. I do know I’m forever grateful.
ReplyDeleteHello Helen,
ReplyDeleteI thank you for all of your efforts. While my own Father is deceased I did take the day to celebrate my brothers as Fathers and to celebrate the Father of my daughter. I hear/read that some folks do not respect Fathers but I am not in that camp. Like others, I was otherwise occupied. Again, I appreciate what you tried to create.
Often, at least in my case on the day of a celebration such as Father’s or Mother’s Day it ends up being a choice between attending either the session or a family gathering celebrating the event. Since the family gathering would be the celebration of the individual, that would be my choice, to be in fellowship with father, mother or family who may even be celebrating that though they may have lost either father or mother want to gather to remember them. I think there was a session where on Mother’s Day it was for folks who no longer had their mothers and since there may be fewer families that do these “memory celebrations” - just surmising - then the motherless /fatherless folks would be more available for the meeting. I choose not to think that there is a negative imperative behind a low turnout, though there might be, but that maybe many, many people were out celebrating their fathers and fathers in the family generally. A couple other repetitive events that occur on Sundays, skipped this Sunday since it was Father’s Day and so expected low turnout- as folks would most likely be celebrating their dads or father figures. My 2 cents.
ReplyDelete