Cherishing the Memory of Christmas

I wrote this on Christmas Morning 2019 and posted it on my Facebook page. Many of the responses indicated that it sparked memories of their own childhood. I post it here to spark a pleasant memory or two, to encourage those who are new to Christmas and other occasions without your special loved one, to know that in time, it will be easier and it is the memories that will sustain you. For those fortunate to still have your loved one, keep making memories on Christmas and always because it IS the memories, not the gifts, that WILL sustain you too! Take plenty of pictures, audio and video record the moments, be sure to say thank you and I love you, enjoy the meal, the love and the laughter! Just be happy folks and Enjoy the Holiday Season! Thanks for reading and sharing my blog!

Wow! And just like that it's Christmas morning! That magical morning that seemed to take forever to arrive when we were kids. I can remember waking up several times and being told to go back to bed. Sleeping one hour probably felt like all night so this happened several times until FINALLY it was time!

We were so easily satisfied then. My Mom was a single Mother of five. I am sure our gifts were not as plentiful or as expensive as perhaps some other folks' but what I don't remember is ever being dissatisfied. Always there was that special gift just for you! Thank you lay away. LOL! She ALWAYS made it happen!

Always there was a huge breakfast. I remember hoe cake (who knows what that is? Who still makes it? Send the invite!) and Alaga syrup (yuck!)! LOL! There was always lots of laughter, lots of gifts, guests dropping by and the day ended with a huge dinner. I was and still am a HORRIBLE eater. How many good meals did I not eat? LOL!

I remember that the ENTIRE house would be decorated including THE bathroom (we only had one and we managed! LOL! Imagine that!) and at least a light and a small ornamental tree of some kind in each bedroom. The house was always beautiful, filled with joy and lots of noise.

On my first Christmas without her, I tried to replicate her Christmas. I decorated the house and even tried to cook a few of my favorite things while I could still remember the taste of her cooking. That lasted one Christmas. LOL!!! I do mildly decorate. No tree, just a wreath, a poinsettia and lots of Black Santas and other ornaments. As for cooking, that was a fleeting notion. I don't even own pots and pans now. LOL!!! My stove is often a desktop or a mail depository. I know. I know. It's pathetic! I have that discussion with Mommy everyday. We laugh together; at least in my mind we do! 

I remember that as I got older, I began to travel for Christmas. Always before I would go my Mom had Christmas for me. She was special like that! I miss her so... 

Before she passed away, it was important for me to give back to her the joy she gave to me all of my life, Christmas or otherwise. I lived to thank and make her feel like the Queen she was. Every holiday from her birthday, to Mother's and Father's Day and certainly Christmas presented an opportunity to shower her with a special gift. It became a tradition. The plan was for the gifts to get bigger as time went on. Sadly, time did not go on... Her friends would ask, what did Helen give you? I so loved giving her bragging rights. Lord knows she had given them to me for all of my life! She built each of her kids up to be proud and confident! We never knew we were poor and don't even think about telling us we were not gorgeous and smart! How many Black kids can sing that song? Thank You God for Black Mothers!!!

Anyway, it's Christmas morning and I slept just fine last night, the whole night through. Only bathroom breaks interrupt my sleep these days. LOL! I am not traveling today. I am chillin' in a new apartment for the new year. Boxes still everywhere. Final exams to grade. Toni just called to come have breakfast for Paul's birthday, Happy Birthday Paul! Sorry you are not here to celebrate your birthday with us Celestine. We miss you but love Dubai!!! I'm Jealous!!! I will eat dinner at Doreen's house and just enjoy a local day with local friends. No airplanes or highways involved!

I will visit my Mom's grave and do a drive by our old house. I have no idea who lives there now. Reverend Harvey, our old neighbor, has passed away. I miss not being able to drop in on him and Mrs. Harvey, Mr. Charlie and Ms. Pat, Les Wise and so many more from my childhood village. Still however, it will be a special Christmas filled with special memories.

Merry Christmas & Happy Kwanzaa to ALL!!!

So yesterday was a day complete in social justice and community activism from sun up to sun down.




I began the day hosting a community viewing and discussion of the movie Harriet. It was a historical depiction of the wonders, fearlessness and resilience of our Black American Hero, Mrs. Harriet Tubman, formerly known as "Minty", more popularly known as "Moses"!!! And Moses she was!!! Yes we have learned and heard about her before but most have been denied an opportunity to get to know her beyond the cursory account that is taught during the one sacred month of every year when most schools feign interest in Black history. Thus, movies such as this are crucial not only for Black Americans but all others who live, travel or work here in these united states. Mostly, unfavorable propaganda has been spewed about us [Black Americans]. Not much positive. Not much truth about the good, the bad, our strengths, our courage, our resilience, our fearlessness in the face of the most horrific of circumstances which are also conveniently not discussed. Still, we persevere. We are a phenomenal people. Yes we are!

One Hundred local residents showed up to watch and discuss the film. I am impressed that these gatherings are always received well! People welcome and thank me profusely for creating a safe space and an opportunity for us to come together on a positive vibe in celebration of us. Old friends and neighbors are always happy to find one another at these events. ALWAYS, the audience thanks me for keeping this tradition going. As long as they show up, I will.

Yesterday had some personal challenges for me however. This film has been plagued by one controversy or another; from the choice of the non Black American star to portray an icon from our history, to disturbing comments about Black Americans made or endorsed by Ms Erivo, the actress who was cast in the role, to the film company dissin' a project with [Black] GirlTrek at the last minute to now the movie's affiliation with Comcast Cable who if going to the Supreme Court to strip Black Americans of our civil rights instead of settling a legal matter with Byron Allen (Google it. #boycottComcast!).

With all of this in the backdrop, deciding to in any way promote this movie was difficult. My heart was not in it until I saw the community. But for the commitment I have to the uplifting our community through our history and telling our stories and a helluva' lotta' coaxing from my friend Demetrius who helps me plan these event, I might have passed on it. Instead I took the moral high road and hosted what turned out to be a very engaging and inspiring event. There was no mention of any of these controversies. Either everyone rose above it or just did not know about it. It was a fantastic day filled with positive energy!

Two lucky attendees won a book about Harriet Tubman, another won two tickets to see My General, a play starting in January at The Arden Theater in Philadelphia about the life and times of Harriet Tubman and one lucky non-profit serving the interest or persons of the local Black community, will receive a small stipend generated by the proceeds from this event. It was a good day had by all!!!

Icing on the cake was a trip to NJPAC in Newark to hear Nikole Hannah Jones and others speak on the genius of her 1619 Project! Talk about invigorating. Understatement! If presented with the opportunity, do go hear her speak and definitely get a copy of the prized NY Times magazine which has repeatedly sold out as fast as it is printed. LOL!!! Powerful reading. I cannot imagine that the actress who did a very good job at portraying our hero, Harriet Tubman, still has misguided notions or feelings about Blacks in America or is unclear that it is upon OUR shoulders that she stands allowing her to live, work and thrive in America. But just in case, somebody tell her to pick up the magazine or go hear Ms. Jones speak. She will leave with no doubts. Not a one!!! LOL!!! Loved it! Thanks to Ryan Haygood, CEO of NJ Institute for Social Justice for hosting this wonderful, timely and powerful evening. He, and a few others too, also offered powerfully enlightening commentary!

Again, thank You God for a wonderful day filled with good friends united in celebration of Black History; Black People!!! Loving Us proudly, unapologetically and consistently 365!!!

Black Folks Gathering in Alabama; Day One...

Most of the gangs all here! Day One of our four day Alabama journey has concluded. At different times throughout the day, we arrived in Montgomery, AL by plane and by car from 8 states across the country; Sacramento California to upstate NY! 

We checked in the hotel, enjoyed lunch at two different Black owned locations; Martha's Place Buffet and Catering or Island Delight at Dexter and closed the evening with a reception and gathering at the hotel where we officially met and introduced ourselves to one another. Chef Rod of downtown Montgomery Doubletree prepared the bites for our evening reception and hipped us on what there is to do in this city steeped in Black history. Veronica Smedley, a native of Montgomery and owner of a recently opened Black owned souvenir shop in Montgomery, Tours of Montgomery, who just happened to be in our hotel, asked to speak with us, told us of her new business, invited us to visit her shop and shared with us historical tidbits about her magical city she still calls home.

Each of the ladies told us about herself and why she is here. We thanked them with a gift bag of goodies to include a t-shirt, a scroll of our itinerary and a copy of Bryan Stevenson's acclaimed and motivating book, Just Mercy! Despite a few mild hiccups in our travels, by 11:00 pm, we all had safely arrived. It was a lovely Day One of our four day journey!!!


Wish you here because:


When Black Women (Folks) Gather, AMAZING THINGS HAPPEN... Guys too! Hope to have some men on our next journey. We NEED your wisdom in the house too! (smile)


Stay tuned...

On White Fragility

Finally I am reading White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo, a white woman who essentially wrote an open letter in the form of a book to her fellow white folks. It's been out for a minute and I have heard much about it but I am just getting to reading it. It is worth my time.

Having grown up with, schooled with and competed with white folks, the book affirms that which I know. Notions of white supremacy are quite humorous to me and seemingly, given life, time and experience, incredible to this white female writer who spills the[ir] tea. I applaud her. She forces the reader to delve into unsupported myths or perceptions, be they of superiority or inferiority. Either way, Don't believe the hype!

As I read this book in the midst of trump's current madness, I ask myself, just how far will [some] white Americans go to uphold or protect the fallacy of white male superiority specifically. What else can this chapter of American history be about? trump has violated [or exposed the hypocrisy of] every ideology that America claims to hold near and dear, he stole an election with help from a foreign agent known to be hostile to the US, he has reduced America to an international laughing stock, he has jeopardized our national and international security, delivered the civil unrest the republican party has baited for decades and now he is portraying behavior unbecoming of even the least skilled mafioso from shake down extortion of a foreign leader to intimidating witnesses with suggestions that whoever the "snitch" is should be killed [he hopes one of his lesser educated and/or deranged followers hears his whistle] and STILL he is in office. INCREDIBLE! Except that he is white and male.

NO other, not even a white female could have gotten away with a fraction of the sins he has committed. That is telling. That he is a white male, he is white America's son, husband, father, brother, dear ole' grandpa, etc. He is the face, the foundation, the sperm donor that supports the false narrative of supremacy that makes their whiteness matter, that which makes them "superior" in their mind to even the most successful and/or intelligent Black or person of color. To paraphrase Toni Morrison, what else does white America have?

Just as President Obama shattered on the world stage, America's promotion that Black Americans are inferior, shiftless, lazy, ineducable, uncivilized, unscrupulous, incapable, unfaithful and so on, similarly donald trump has unveiled for the world to see the fantasy of white supremacy. Again, just how far, how long will America allow this political tragedy to play out on the world stage? How long? While finally I am proud that the Democrats have taken a step to restore what order we once had and show some muscle for defending the nation and the sanctity of government as a legislative and authoritative body to be respected, I am cautiously optimistic that America is ready yet to properly deal with her fragility nor the presence and truth of trump no matter how despicable they find him now as they found him in 2016... Time will tell.

In the meantime, read this book and host an interracial and inter-generational conversation about the book and race in your community; professional and otherwise...

Respect Yourself...

We Need to Talk About How Asian Owned Businesses Treat Their Black Clientele
Tiffany Diane Tso

This is definitely a conversation that MUST take place, at least in the Black community. We give our dollars indiscriminately. We don't hold folks accountable for how they treat us or demand anything in return for our dollars. The Asian merchant business plan is to study our consumer habits, what we like, what we wear, what we buy, what we eat, move into our neighborhoods, sell "us" back to us at even a fraction less than Black merchants (and sadly, we support them over our own), run them out of business, disrespect us, hire none of us, get rich in our neighborhoods selling us products, often inferior products and too often from behind bullet proof glass, send their kids to US colleges to represent themselves as minorities, using strides made by Black Americans against Black Americans to displace us in academia while earning a living exploiting and displacing, disrespecting us in our neighborhoods. It's crazy...

It is the face of why I reject the term People of Color. People with skin color often share nothing more than that, skin color. Implicit in the term is a sense of allegiance, camaraderie or an experience, at least in America, between us. Such is not the case yet these persons are put in positions to represent what it means to be Black or minority in America. They know not our experience. They know not our history that gives them opportunity. They are not alone. They give cover to white America and allows her to use them and others to avoid the discussion of race, specifically as it pertains to being Black in America. That, however, is a whole other conversation...

In the meantime, the Black community must stop supporting merchants and others who value our dollar but do not respect or value us. I am a firm believer that in life, we teach folks how to treat us. We have taught the world that we don't demand respect or gratitude in exchange for our dollar. Kudos to this author, Tiffany Diane Tso, for speaking a truth. The comments to the article actually discount the notion however that it is white supremacy that feeds Asian anti-Black racism but instead suggest that they come to the US with such sentiment already embedded.

Good read. Click here for a link to the article. Check it out. Let the "difficult" conversations begin. Don't be bullied away from worthy discussions that will heal us with taunts of being painted xenophobic or the like for daring to state an opinion that some will condemn as "inciting" or "uncomfortable". For some reason, we have convinced ourselves as a society that we are not supposed to have these conversations or say or do anything that makes us uncomfortable. I totally disagree. That is not how we grow. I appreciate the author of this article. Let the conversation flow...

America Has an Epidemic But It Ain't Opioids...

Photo reportedly from El Paso Walmart Shooter's Twitter page

As I awake to news of yet another mass shooting in America, two in less than 24 hours, I write...

America has an epidemic alright and it ain't opioids, Black folks, folks with Brown skin who speak Spanish nor Muslim folk who wear burkas or turbans. It IS ANGRY, TERRORISTIC WHITE MEN! You created it America by ignoring it, denying it, making excuses for it, refusing to legislate it, or tying it to preservation of some inalienable, uncivilized and primitive misinterpretation of the 2nd Amendment "right" to own and bear arms, so now you must own it. Two mass shootings in less than 24 hours, three in less than one week, is what "Making America Great Again" looks like. NONE of us is safe. Not even those chant at trump rallies nor the greedy capitalists who support him to receive undeserved tax breaks...

Dems, THIS IS your platform. Don't shy away from it or be bullied by the republicans who have folded to a man they once denounced who they now support who ran for office advocating gun violence when he declared that he could shoot someone on 5th Avenue and not lose supporters. They heard him... They believed him... They heed his call... The republicans are the party who endorse him and his behavior. They are the party, who even before the racist xenophobe seized the white house, has spent years since the civil rights gains of the 60's chipping away at the bill, spewing divisiveness, protecting hate and fueling the flames that are now igniting across this country. Still, they are the party in bed with NRA lobbyists that won't vote to address gun control. Just last week they voted not to limit access of guns to the mentally ill. 

The "party of Lincoln" is now proudly:

the party of fear, 

the party of hate, 

the party of the deplorably ignorant, 

the party of racists and white nationalists

Certainly however they are NOT the party of patriots as they falsely proclaim. 

They [and the media] created and now protect trump. 

They are the party with blood of America on its hands...

Who does not remember the emotional President Obama following the shooting of innocent babies in Connecticut? He consoled the nation and pleaded for gun control. Repeatedly however, the republicans do nothing beyond offering empty, insincere thoughts and prayers in their condolence no longer accepted by the families nor America by extension. Some republicans are now being sued, for calling the shooting a hoax and for their unfounded attacks on the families in Connecticut who lost their precious babies. How did the republicans think their years of spewing hate was going to play out? What can we expect to hear from this white house regarding murderous white boys inspired by trump to kill innocent people, to follow his lead as proffered to walk out on 5th Avenue in NYC and shoot without consequence? How long after the Sunday morning talk show circuit concludes can we expect that someone in the trump administration will carefully craft words palatable to the American ear for dummy in chief to read from a teleprompter absent the glee he and the republican party must feel from the fruit of their labor?   

It is time to turn on evil America! Put the blood of your kin and that of our nation ahead of politics. Place it squarely in republican hands and the grossly tiny little hands of the chief occupier of the white house. Call them out for what is clearly a deliberate and unapologetic UNdoing or, some would say, uncovering of America. Call them out for their part in an awakening and blatant approval of America's ugliest sentiments - Hate & Racism! Call out the media, also culpable in creating the reality of trump, in their unquenchable thirst for ratings, giving around the clock coverage to both trump and the shootings!

America has a problem with white males who engage in domestic terrorism, inspired by republicans and other cowards who occupy our governments and corporations. Kudos to Mayor Pete for being the first to state the obvious; that which neither mainstream media, other politicians nor white folks in general are willing to say. America's most pressing problem is not those who are vilified daily by the press, persecuted daily in courtrooms across America or legislated against in the halls of Congress. America's problem is angry, insecure and frightened white men who suffer from a combination of arrested cognitive development or severely arrested maturation, a fear of extinction and of course a fear of karma for the deeds of their forefathers. Mayor Pete will catch hell for speaking truth to power but seemingly his words have inspired others this morning to voice his concern of the obvious. Call it leadership... 

Wake Up America!

Fess Up America! 

America Has an Epidemic But It Ain't Opioids... 

Millennials & Privilege in "Post Racial" America...

For all who believe and wage your hopes and bets for America on the realization of post racial millennials, just remember, the hippies were similarly perceived. When the rubber hits the road and the time comes to share or relinquish or for some, to even acknowledge that which comes with the mere designation of white skin, attitudes will change.

Just a few days ago, I was sharing with some folks that I attended a mostly White school. During grades K- 8, I was the only or one of two, three if I was lucky, Black students in my class. We were unceremoniously and unashamedly grouped according to academic standing ("A" Class, "B" Class, "C" Class, "D" Class). Who are the educators who did this? I need not ask why. The reasons are obvious. It is disturbing because it was intentional and deliberately divisive on so many fronts...

All through school however, I got along well with my peers, both Black and White. The intended barriers had no effective or lasting affect on my experience. While they joked that I sounded or talked like a White girl, Black students did not jeer me or call me a sell out, uncle tom or ban me from their circles. I think they mostly celebrated in our own way, that I represented for US in the "A" Class. "The Higginbothams were [Black and we were] smart". My White peers also liked me. Many still think I was Senior Class President, because always I have been vocal and present. For sure, I was voted Homecoming Queen [I was shocked my cheerleading braggadocious Mom was not - Love me some her!!!], only the second in our school's history. It was a popularity contest. So in other words, even though some grown ass and likely not so happy photographer failed to have a decent photo of my victory for the yearbook (oh there was prejudice) they, my White peers, got me and I got them. We were together in some capacity for 13 years; K thru 12. We grew up together...

For as long as I remember, and certainly by middle or high school, I have always celebrated my Blackness, never shying away from who I am or trying to be something or someone I am not. I do not recall ever trying to or feeling the need to be or act White to fit in. I remember that as early as 3rd or 4th grade, a cousin who had teenage cousins shared with us that the older kids had told him that we did not have to salute the flag. We were only required to stand. So as early as that I only stood. I stopped saying the words and crossing my heart. The words did not ring true or pertinent to me, not even as a child. Something about that "justice for all". It was the 60's... I remember too that long before Martin Luther King Day was a holiday, my Mother allowed that in a show of support for it to become a holiday and in solidarity with other Black students, that my siblings and I did not go to school.

So for as long as I can recall, I have found my way to be my authentic self and still remain credible in both worlds, Black and White. I was under no delusion that I straddled two worlds. We went home to very different communities. My neighborhood was 100% Black and had been so for at least two generations. My Mom grew up there. It was familiar and I liked going home. In retrospect and very gratefully, I think I learned early in life that people appreciate realness. I learned early to unapologetically be my authentic self...

Fast forward to my 10 year high school reunion. Things changed. Some of my peers had changed. The "cool" kids did not seem so cool. We were no longer children in the protective environment of academia or the innocence of youth. We were now grown, had gone off to college or whatever it was we decided to do. We had significant others and had been exposed to politics and who knows what other kinds of influences to change us. As children, I do not recall our ever discussing politics, religion, income or even race (beyond some really superficial innocuous comments). We might have known that someone was Catholic, who was Italian, Polish or Irish, Black or Puerto Rican or who were the families more well off but we did not have deep discussions on any of these topics, certainly not politics and race. Some were certainly regarded prejudice, especially some of the teachers and administrators, but they were few and mostly covert. There were no known skin-heads or honorary kkk members amongst us, not as far as we knew... Don't get me wrong, we were conscious of race. It was not Utopia. There are stories to tell but mostly, we got along...

I was happy and excited to go to my 10 year reunion. I had been with these people for all of my child life. I wanted to see them and catch up on what we were all doing. My graduating class of less than 100 was 10% or so Black. Only me and my Black boyfriend showed up. LOL! No real surprise there. Some of the "cool" White kids did not come either. It has been 40 years and I have never seen some of them again as they have also rejected subsequent reunions. I get it. It is based on experience. Mine was mostly good...

I remember some of the students I felt most close to in high school and looked forward most to seeing, were now very standoffish and not so excited about seeing me. It was a wake up call. I learned that day that life had shaped us. These were not the kids I grew up with who were innocent and not fixated on race despite what their parents might have told them about Black folks at home. They were not the kids who voted me Homecoming Queen and who would have shared their marbles and their privilege with me. They had been touched by the world and like the hippies before them, had become their parents whose ideologies they might have previously rejected or not been aware of as children. The hippies before them became the establishment they rejected as will they... My peers had come to know their standing, what had been preserved for them, they wore it proudly and stood ready to accept and even if unknowingly, protect it for the next generation as their parents had done for them. Although I did not understand it as such then, I have come to realize now that what they were protective of stood fully prepared to preserve was their privilege. Helen Who??? I heard them...

So post racial millenials will be so until such time they come to know and really benefit on their own, not through their parents, their privilege and entitlements, better described as their standing of preferential treatments in life. History tells us that they will not relinquish or share their marbles or privilege with their "good friends" either... They too will deny the existence of any such privilege
especially if they knew hard times or grew up poor. They will deny how societal systems are structured to benefit them. I optimistically hope to be wrong about my pessimistic views regarding our youth but I would not bet one single of my marbles that I am... 

See What I mean?
Data Source: National Longitudinal Surveys

James Weldon Johnson said it best, Black folks, not because we want to but as a matter of survival, understand White folks [better than] even when they don't [want to] understand themselves. Try as they may, White folks alternatively, still do not understand us. Their life or existence does not      dictate to them that they have to... To borrow a term, Black folks are "Caucasian Anthropologists" who have become successfully schizophrenic as we have learned to naturally adapt our presentations and even our thinking according to the situation at hand. Call it Black survival in a jungle of whiteness... 

On the Matter of Abortion...

On yesterday, 25 "men", with the support of a "woman" governor in the state of Alabama passed the most restrictive bill ever in opposition to a woman's right to have an abortion. I have never had an abortion in my life and I am not even sure I could have BUT it is and should ALWAYS be my decision resulting from an internal discussion I had with myself and with whomever I CHOSE to include beyond me. I feel and fear for women still in their reproductive years... 

This obsession old and/or undesirable white "men" have with women's bodies has nothing to do with abortion but has everything to do with protecting whiteness and keeping the "little misses" in line, making sure women know our place and that it is them, White "men", who are still in charge. Sadly insecure women, largely the 53%, blindly follow their "men" no matter the potential of risk, harm or shame to themselves, their daughters or to other women.

What kind of inhumane, unfeeling, heartless monster or womanless woman would force a woman or child who has been raped or exposed to incest to carry that baby to term? What kind of womanless woman supports, marries or stays married to this poor excuse of a "man"? Never will it be their loved one who is forced to endure this kind of inhumane injustice, just other people's wives, daughters and girlfriends who don't have the means to find refuge to otherwise protect or take care of herself. It is all quite sad...

If in fact these god-awful subhuman "politicians" could pass legislation preserving only the lives of White babies, no matter how conceived or how poor or young the Mother, they would. Black, Brown, Red & Yellow women could have abortions all day, everyday. There would be no backlash. As a matter of fact, there would be unlimited resources to fund all such efforts. Historically and still women with melanin have been sterilized with or without our consent. Dream legislation for them would prohibit abortions for White women and girls but mandate the procedure for the rest of us ensuring maintenance of white dominance or white majority status thus ensuring longevity or sustaining life for the continuity of closely held, logic defying delusions of white greatness, superiority and/or supremacy...

Discard the hype. Throw away the mantra. Abortion has never been about religion or any of the other things the masses have been taught to parrot or shout at already emotional women entering or exiting abortion clinics but ALWAYS about fear of extinction of the white race by insecure and evil white "men" who know their history and who understand and fear karma even more...

Hang in there women. I am sorry that this settled matter about OUR bodies remains. Fight on...

Public Representations; What Do They Say?

I have serious mixed emotions about this matter in Texas wherein the school Principal, Carlotta Browne, sent a letter home detailing a dress code for parents, well maybe not... I don't think the Principal, who has been celebrated for her good work and commitment to the community, meant harm in her directive. She graduated from that school and aspired to be Principal there. She is probably heart broken by some of what she sees and is determined to turn it around. Good For Her! She went "back to her hood", which we say we want our professionals to do so give her a break.

She achieved her dream to lead the school and this is a positive message to send to those who live there, especially the young people. How sad that any folks, but especially Black folks, grown ups, need to be reminded of how to appropriately present ourselves in public. Folks have lost all sense of decorum and pride as they roll out of bed to go to the grocery store, 7-11, to walk the dog or to their children's school. I don't like seeing people in their pajamas and I don't care what race they are. It's just tacky. Just as tacky as sagging pants and some of the other restrictions on her list. Yes it is one's right but damn!

Sometimes we have to consider the messenger. In this instance, I have heard nothing that questions this woman's motive, intent or commitment to the community she serves. I am going to yield on the side that she wrote and released this memo from a good place, not one purely of judgment, probably more from disbelief at how low some folks go which we probably have not seen the worst of. We have all seen it. She called it. Good for her!

What is wrong with us policing us? Stop the madness. She is pretty much saying take ownership and control of your image and the perceptions it transmits. It is up to us to change or manage our narrative. I support her narrative... Folks are calling it classism and accusing that she is putting down her own people. Again, what is her intent? I err in favor of her record of caring and put this move in that category. I ask WHY would we defend Black folks not taking ownership for our image, whether it is for our right to wear our natural hair, ethnic clothing, or men with facial hair? We got mad at some point about each of those situations because other folks tried to dictate that we compromise our culture. It is not our culture, to present ourselves in ways as demonstrated by these parents and others. I get the bad hair day, but there are beautiful scarves, hats, WIGS or the like. No need to be in the street with a sleeping net on one's head. IJS...

Call me a prude. I'm OK with that. I, too, am sick of seeing it; Black folks, White folks or whoever. Take a minute to get it together before embarrassing your kids at school. I would have been mortified if my Mom came to my school or presented herself in public as some folks I see here in this video and in my daily ventures, as would most who are condemning the principal for taking steps to control. At least she's got the conversation going and hopefully raised the consciousness of at least a few folks. Kids get bullied for far less. Don't add to their drama. Be presentable...

My Humble Opinion...

Mayor Pete...

This NY Times article is not good for "Doogie Howser" as one of the persons commenting on the story referenced Mayor Pete. He wants us to believe that he never heard tapes of White police officers speaking disparagingly about Black folks and on hearsay alone, at the start of his term, he fired a popular and well liked Black Police Chief? That seems incredible. The tapes must be salacious and vile against Black folks. WHY would the Mayor throw the Black Police Chief under the bus so early in his tenure? To score points with whom? Why wouldn't he have wanted to take a strong stand and rid the police department of the cancer of racism? Would his response have been the same if the content of the tapes were vile and anti-Gay?

Gay Americans claim to align themselves with Black Americans and identify with our civil rights issues and then things like this happen that suggest otherwise. This accounting does not indicate in any way that Mayor Pete reached out to work with, to service or improve conditions for Black constituents in any real way. To our chagrin however, the article suggests that we, Black folks, overwhelmingly supported his re-election bid in the primaries against a Black candidate AFTER the tape incident. SMH... Now I don't know the politics and of course all skin folks ain't kinfolk, but WHY do WE keep shooting ourselves in the foot and extinguishing our voice politically? Ferguson is another town where we seem not to vote according to our representation despite the horrors of politics against our interest in that city too.

This is going to be an interesting saga to watch unfold. Released tapes or not, at some point, Mayor Pete is going to have to address what appears a dismal or lackluster record in the Black and Brown communities. No Democrat can win a national election without our support. I will stay tuned. So far, I am not on board Ship Buttigieg...

This is a long but worthy read. Mayor Pete is a popular candidate. We must get to know him...

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/19/us/politics/buttigieg-black-police-chief-fired.html?fbclid=IwAR09dFvo49ZmAgMIzu_yYtkaJ0mazWIqFVbq14Ukz8vTzs5w9YNK0d49UyA#commentsContainer

ANOTHER Morning After...

A friend said this morning that she is disturbed that trump "has won again". I say that he has not won again and instead reiterate once again that the very presence and possibility of trump in the white house tells you just how truly vulnerable, dysfunctional, broken and terribly flawed is our system of government. Certainly it is not FOOL-proof!!! The very presence and grim reality of trump tells us that once this nightmare is over an overhaul is in large order as there is MUCH to be repaired to prevent a repeat occurrence.

trump is but the expected result or the face of long standing problems exponentially compounded on both sides of the aisle; with few exceptions; apathy, conciliation and displaced affection for "taking the high road" despite traveling it alone on one side, greed, ruthlessness and zero moral character on the other, the American people caught in the middle. The reality of trump was inevitable in a country that has failed to govern FOR We the People. Corporations, who now are also "persons", like trump. He is giving them their due for what they pay our elected officials to deliver.

We might never know the contents of the report. Only a fool however thinks it totally exonerates trump as we are being told and sadly the media is seemingly repeating without question despite having full knowledge of the low character of those who are feeding us this information. SMH...

IF the report vindicated this asshole, trust and believe, he likes to be right and beneath the many layers of his pathology, he wants desperately to appear as "cool", to be liked, respected and validated as a legitimate POTUS and would give ANYTHING to be able to prove all others wrong and him right. IF the report vindicated him, his ego would not allow him to contain himself. He personally WOULD print and release the report for bragging rights if for no other reason. This and that it has been substantiated that Russia did interfere in our election, should be the strategic challenge put forth by the Dems. IF in fact the report is ever released, it will be either long after his death or certainly long after the 2020 election. He is a grimy, scheming, manipulative bastard who has been playing this game, that now includes the American people, in this way for a very long time...

Not sure when or how this shit storm will pass; but it will, hopefully sooner than later. In the meantime, pass the opioids as America continues to search for means to cope with this very present and very sad reality of America. Something tells me that this asshole and the puppet republicans are likely just getting started with distractions of proportions we have not seen before. Be comforted however that at some point we WILL join hands and sing in unison with nations around the globe that Happy Days Are Here Again. This is but another morning after and this TOO SHALL pass...


Turn off the boob tube, draw your own logical and much more intelligent conclusions and make it a GREAT Monday!!!

Never Should We Forget...

Yesterday I was at a conference and listened to the affects of the comments of a Black woman panelist who seemingly impressed upon young Black Prep School students that her success was grounded in her ability to effectively "code switch". Her message suggested more than just turning on and off the vernacular or the rhythm to our flow, toning down or abandoning slang or colloquialism that we enjoy when speaking amongst ourselves, or God forbid, that we adopt the sound of being ARTICULATE in our presentation of us, as many are often shocked that we are no matter our level of education. What I heard her telling those young and impressionable people, Prep Schoolers and Law Students alike, was that when in the presence of white folks, in the workplace specifically, to turn off who they are, to leave their authentic selves out of the room, code switch to be as white as they could. That bothered me.

Of course I made comments to the entirety of the room but made a special point to speak individually to the young Preppers. I told them to never abandon who they are and impressed upon them, young and very bright young girls, that they will be invited into the room because of who they are. I told them to, of course, always be professional, be pleasant and of course speak well...., but never abandon the essence of YOU. I reminded them that when they get to that table that they sit there not for themselves but for those who came before and who will come after them and that it is their responsibility to make a way and/or reach back and bring others with them...

In the long run code switching, as was seemingly being suggested, does not serve us well. It is too hard, too stressful and leads to too many problems, emotionally, physically, medically, mentally for us. Trying to be something we are not will kill us for sure, if not physically, certainly spiritually... And to what end? To whose gain? Perhaps that is not what the panelist was saying but that is what I heard and I didn't even hear her opening remarks where apparently she laid the foundation for her position. More importantly, it was what several in the audience heard who approached and thanked me for my remarks offering a counter message...

Be careful of the message we send to our youth. They hear us and will be guided by what we say and do. Send them the message of the poor baby in this picture below. We are a mighty and resilient people who have been through some serious shit and no matter how hard others have tried to break us or to break our spirit, that STILL WE RISE...

Walk into every room you enter, invited or not, unapologetically exuding a level of confidence that honors yourself and our Ancestors and you will be just fine, sane and most importantly you will rest peacefully every night even when others can't handle who you are. Believe that more often than not, people respect people who respect themselves... Don't take on the burden of making others feel comfortable about about themselves or their insecurities. Theirs is not your problem... .

THAT is what we need to tell our youth. Teach them nothing short of dignity and self pride not the art of code switching pretending themselves into nonrelevance and/or non-existence. Do it not only for them and the continuity and pride of our race and community but do it to remedy the pain, sadness and undeniable hopelessness and helplessness exuding from the baby pictured below. Do it because everyday we stand on his shoulders and because it is in his honor that STILL, WE MUST RISE!!!

                           

Never Should We Forget...

February 12th, Then & Now...

The snow is just beginning to fall in Harlem. Thankfully I am watching it from a window in my apartment. I will deal with it tomorrow... 

On this day, February 12, 1987, 32 years ago, I lost my Mom, my very best FRIEND!!! It is a day I will never forget. I had reluctantly just left her bedside at Cooper Hospital in Camden, NJ to go to work in Atlantic City. I didn't want to leave but had just started my job and had been missing a lot of time already. She encouraged me to go and I promised her I would be back that night after work.

I don't remember which casino I was working for, but employees parked our cars away from the casinos on special lots set up for us somewhere on the Atlantic City Expressway before actually entering the city. A shuttle bus would transport us to and from the property. Because I went to the hospital first, it was going to be a late arrival for me so when I got to the shuttle stop, no other employess were there because most had already reported for work. While waiting for the next shuttle bus, I called the office to let them know that I was at the shuttle stop and on my way in. This was 1987, pre cell phones so I used a pay phone.

When I called in, the secretary or whoever answered told me that the hospital had called. I hung up and immediately called Cooper. I spoke to a young female doctor, I wish I knew her name to call her out in hopes that she has become a more compassionate and feeling doctor. My family had instructed that I only be told to come back to the hospital which was probably 45 minutes away. Instead, this young doctor nonchalantly told me that my Mother had just died as though she were telling me my menu choice for dinner was not available. I could not believe it. I had just left her. Yes she was sick and it was clear that the end was imminent but how could she have died so quickly? I had just left. I was a wreck! Of course I was and I was all alone there in the shelter enclosure at the shuttle parking lot. That doctor had no idea where I was, if I was alone, nor did she care. She had zero respect for me or the wishes of my family.

For a long time, I was haunted by the scream I let out when she told me that Mommy had died. It played like a loop in my head. It was especially magnified as I recalled it bouncing extra loudly off the walls surrounding me in that empty shelter enclosure at the shuttle stop. I was all alone in a parking lot in the middle of an expressway not knowing what to do. I could not think to process all that was happening to me. I will never forget it. My sister's boyfriend who also worked in a casino came to get me. We left my car at the shuttle stop and went directly to the hospital. It seemed an eternity for him to come rescue me, literally, and then for us to get to the hospital. I just remember that I wanted to see her so bad. I guess seeing her was all that would make it real...

I was not the person that I am today. I was 26 and not quite as firey. I remember having words with the doctor, that is how I know she was young. Today, I would have had her head as well as the woman I worked for at the casino, who I would also call by name if only I remembered it, who in the midst of the worst crisis of my life, unceremoninously fired me for missing too much time. Instead of flowers from the office, I got a pink slip! Oh yes she did. I was too young and too wounded at the time to fight. Lucky for both of them. Women! Don't tell me that women are more sensitive by mere virtue of gender. It just ain't so...

I did not start out to write this today. I only intended to comment on the snow falling in Harlem. But of course I am aware of what day it is. It remains the worst day of my life...

I am glad to be home today...

When Being American Became Exhausting...

What is becoming of America? Daily, it is more and more difficult to simply "be" in America. I put it to words on yesterday when I told a few friends that I am just mentally exhausted. I noticed this morning that a few others have used the same adjective to describe their state of being...

I am worn out by the perpetual cycle of endless "breaking news" that has become so commonplace that it ain't "breaking" at all...

I am worn out by the perpetual cycle of scandal after scandal and lie after lie that has become politics American style.

And oh the sex scandals...

I am worn out that still we are dealing with matters of race that we dealt with by not dealing with 50 years ago. So is it really any wonder that we are here AGAIN?

I am worn out that we have become a society who, seemingly for sport, enjoys the thrill of tearing one another down. And we wonder why our children are bullies... Do we?

I am just tired and in desperate need of a reprieve but where to go? There seems no escaping America, the "leader" of the free world. As she implodes from within, of course the rest of the world is watching, some with absolute delight and extreme glee, others with absolute shock and utter disbelief that we have fallen so far and seem unwilling, unable, uninterested or unsure of how to put ourselves back together again - at least externally...

As I struggle to sustain normalcy and remain engaged by reminding myself that as he was not elected, he does not speak for nor "govern" by a mandate from the American people and that this too shall pass, eventually..., I ponder where, when and how does this roller coaster stop? How, when and where do I get off?

Previously I have joked that is it any wonder that half the damn country is on opioids? Of course we are on opioids, I would joke, how else can we cope? Well, the joke is becoming less and less funny as daily, art bypasses imitation and becomes life as the reality of America's obsession with reality TV consumes us and sadly becomes the reality we live. It just ain't so funny no mo'... None of it... It is tiring and when I am not embarassed, I am exhausted from the mental fatigue of just being...

American...

That right there folks, is what is on my terribly exhausted mind this Thursday morning. Have a good day and close out the chatter as best you can...

Ahhh Sheila, My Friend Gone Way Too Soon...

Ahhh Sheila!!!!

January 01, 2019

On yesterday, I attended a very moving memorial service honoring the departure of my very dear friend, Sheila Devon Marshall from Washington, DC who passed away on January 19, 2019. She and I enjoyed dinner on January 1, just weeks before her untimely death. She had been ill and I was anxious to see her. I was pleasantly surprised however to see looking well, definitely optimistic and appeared to be on the mend. One just never knows... It was to be our last girlfriend gathering to spend time together talking, laughing, planning and reminiscing. Who knew? Tell your peeps' you love them!!!

At least a few hundred people attended her memorial service, no exaggeration. Wonderful tributes were given about her; what a good friend she was, what a caring person she was and of course how very much she was loved by oh so many and how ferociously she loved her alma mater, Howard University. Sheila and I became fast friends when we met back in the 90's when I attended a Howard University Alumni Association (HUAA) meeting in Washington DC. At her service, speakers shared memories and jokes about her feistiness, how cantankerous and strong headed she could be because she was "always right" even when wrong as two left shoes. LOL! Her generosity and true compassion for others was shared repeatedly. We all loved her so, just the way she was! She was our Sheila!!!

There were tears, laughter, joy, sorrow and hats! Sheila loved hats and many of her hats were on display. Our dear friend can now rest with ease as she lived life on her terms and left us with much to celebrate between her dashes. She came here to live and live is what she did. She traveled, she partied, she loved to dance, prided herself on being Marvin Gaye's biggest fan. St. Martin was her second home. She never met a beach that she did not love, especially if surrounded by good friends, music and a good glass of wine. She loved golfing.

Compliments of Sherry Winston

She was a member of too many organizations to name. HU Alumni Relations on behalf of the Board of Trustees, read a resolution in her honor. HU Alumni Association, Greater Washington DC shared loving commentary to her and what she meant to their club. Her Red Hat & Epicurean Sisters showed up in force to pay tribute. One woman actually had an accident on her way to the service. Her car turned over due likely to remnants of snow and black ice. She had to be removed from her vehicle via the window. The EMTs of course wanted her to go the hospital but she was not having it until after she attended Sheila's service, which of course I hope she did. That's just how amazing Sheila was. Folks just loved her. She gave generously of herself, her time, her ear, and her money to anyone or any cause she thought needed her support, especially if it involved Howard University. She had a huge heart and on yesterday, overwhelming attendance at her memorial confirmed as much! The memorial was beautiful!!!

Her services were held in the Chapel at Howard University Law School. Very appropriate for one of Howard's biggest, most vocal and consistent alumni supporters and one who would argue her position so passionately, one would have thought her an attorney. (smile). If only more of us who

attended HBCUs (Historically Black Colleges & Universities) were half as generous and supportive of our institutions as was Sheila... Thank you Howard University Chapel administration and alumni for honoring her memory by attending and hosting a farewell service in celebration of dearly departed fellow Bison gone to rest much too soon. She can now rest easy...

To cap the day off, following her service, at least ten of us, all good girlfriends of Sheila's, some affectionately known as "The Pearls", one who has been her friend since 10th grade in high school, lingered in the Chapel and had our own service eulogizing our dear friend. I am sure she was there laughing it up with us. Her presence was felt through our joy. It was wonderful. After about an hour or so of that, we all went to a Black owned Soul Food restaurant in DC, Oohh's & Aahh's (support it!) and continued our celebration of our dear friend and new friendships made in honor of her.

Black Women Gathering, February 02, 2019

Conveniently, we had the upstairs of the restaurant to ourselves where we could hoop and holler as loudly and as much as we wanted. And hoop and holler we did! Just as we have done before with Sheila, just as Black women often do when we gather, just as she would have us do. Yeah she was there... (smile) We all love her so and gave life to her through our joy about her. We will continue to celebrate and honor our friend and surely we will gather again in one of her favorite places, probably St Martin to further honor her and because When Black Women Gather, Amazing Things Happen... (shameless plug http://www.whenblackwomengather.org/ - LOL!)

We had an amazing time for another couple of hours reviving Sheila through our joy. Forever she will live on through us and so many others. Sheila would have it no other way! We love you so "Suga" and will miss you terribly...

Ahhh Sheila, rest well my very dear Friend gone way too soon...

This one is for you Sheila! Inside Joke!!!

At The Wendy Williams Show!