Living While Black In America...

A few days ago I got off the #3 train at the newly renovated 145th Street train station in Harlem. It's all shiny, brand spanking new, well lit and adorned with beautiful ceramic wall tile murals of Black art. One would think that as a resident, I would be excited about these improvements that are accompanied by new sidewalks and newly paved streets popping up all around Harlem but I am not... Instead, I know, that despite Black folks living here for ages and holding it down, never were we respected as a community of taxpayers and metro riders worthy of such cleanliness and upgrades.

Instead, the improvements smack me in the face as signs of the inevitable gentrification of Harlem [and most American cities] and the perception that dignity, respect and attention is more due some taxpayers, who are poised to take over the community, than the current... So NOW the city and MTA can find interest in and resources for improvements, even when or where none seemed due...

This reminds me of being invited by a politically engaged friend to a meeting in the 5th Ward of Washington, DC where she was very active. I lived in Ward 2. It was some time during the 90's when DC was still very much chocolate, predominantly Black. A developer had invited the community to come hear about all the new stores and fancy and/or overdue improvements that were being proposed for their neighborhood, presumably to secure their support instead of their protest at city hall, to distract them by making them think the improvements and shiny new name brand stores were intended for or would benefit them. He nearly turned beet red with embarrassment when I asked if these improvements were all of a sudden being proposed not for the benefit of the audience he was addressing but for a new audience he anticipated was soon to move in. He could not deny it. And the beat goes on... Nothing nice about gentrification...

While I resented and was appalled by how dirty the subway stop certainly was, knowing that it had not been properly cleaned or resurfaced in decades, gave me some proud sense of walking in the footsteps of Black heroes and dignitaries that made Harlem historical such as Malcolm X, Zora Neal Hurston, Cab Calloway, Langston Hughes, James Baldwin, Ossie Davis, Ruby Dee, Duke Ellington, Louis Armstrong, Marcus Garvey, W.E.B. DuBois and too many more to mention who surely had also stood on that dirty platform and traversed those filthy stairs. Somehow washing away the build up of debris and covering it with new shiny paint and beautiful ceramic wall tiles, in a sad and very irrational way, also washed away some of our history as is happening in so many of our urban centers throughout the country. Oh, if only those subway walls could have talked...

Living While Black in America, it ain't easy...

On Becoming...

Is anyone else reading Michelle Obama's book, Becoming? She, like many who have studied hard  and paid a bundle to become attorneys, shares that early in her career she realized that she hated being a lawyer. Despite making big bucks, it did not fulfill her. How many of us have had that realization about being an attorney or whatever is our chosen profession? When and why did we have that epiphany and what did we do about it?

I was also surprised, but more impressed, to read her admission of failing the bar on round one and how devastating that felt to her. Making such an admission, speaks to her level of confidence and how comfortable she is in her skin. Most folks take that one to their grave with them no matter how brilliant they become, as a matter of fact ESPECIALLY when perceived and admired as brilliant so not to disturb the perception of brilliance at the expense of being perceived and still admired for normalcy... She was someone who had never failed at anything. Can't say I never failed at anything but not passing the bar on the first time out was a hard pill to swallow. It definitely puts a chunk in your armor of self confidence.

I felt wounded until I spoke with someone I considered, like Michelle Obama, a brilliant woman, a former professor from Howard University who had multiple letters behind her name; MBA, CPA, Esq and Phd! She was the bomb and I admired everything about her, but mostly her grace and intelligence. I was floored when she shared that she too zonked the first time out! I could not believe it. She built me back up, made me laugh and told me, "Ms. Higginbotham, the only person who has never passed the bar is the person who stopped taking it". I dusted my pride off and took it again. Michelle's admission about overcoming "failure" likely helped a lot of folks who will read her book. Her honesty and "can do" spirit will serve to encourage so many more to stand in their truth and just keep pushing to BECOME who they know they can and should be. Flip the script, failing nurtures growth...

Like Michelle, I realized early on that I was not so enthused with many aspects of the practice of law (that's another blog). I still struggle with it because I am a natural advocate and feel sometimes like I have cheated those who I can help and/or compromised my voice... I wonder if our shared misgivings about the practice has some relation to our shared bar experience. Was our subconscious talking to us before even we knew? Who knows? But again, I find that I am in good company! (smile) At the end of the day, being a lawyer, practicing or not, still has far reaching benefits so if it is your dream, don't be discouraged. Do some serious soul searching, intern at a law firm or two, hang out in the back of a courtroom, be sure you want it and go for it! Just don't pay for it! LOL!!! Find scholarships.

It is a very good book and is literally and rightfully selling like hotcakes! She is being very candid and transparent about her life and how she BECAME [the phenomenal woman that she is...] I will see her in NYC on Saturday night. Looking forward to it. This is good read and I hope that you all are checking it out. Too busy to read it? Get it on audio. Let her read it to you while you drive to do what I hope is your dream to BECOMING you!!!

While Flying With "Becky Sue"...

Recently I took a flight from NJ to NC. Thankfully it was a very short flight. Not sure how I ended up with a middle seat but I did. I prefer aisle seats. As luck would have it, I ended up between a zero personality but harmless guy and a blonde female exuding attitude and seemingly annoyance as soon as she sat down. I will name her, "Becky Sue"... 

While I can be overly friendly, I appreciate that some folks just aren't. I recognize the frustration of the Becky Sues in the world in dealing with the harsh reality that life has deemed them as "common" as I and sadly they cannot afford their private, "whites only", airplane which requires that sometimes, fate is not in their favor, and they just might have to sit in close proximity to folks who don't look like them... I appreciate their pain so I give them their space as much as is possible on a cramped airplane and try not to be a nuisance. Not! But I am less bothered and do nothing deliberate to add to their misery. Overall I suck it up too and am damn thankful along with them when it is a short flight.

On the heels of the results of the election revealing that again white women overwhelmingly supported racism, bigotry and white [male] supremacy, coupled with the fact that I am traveling to the south, I may be a little sensitive to or less tolerant of Becky Sue's aura. Although when I travel south, I consciously put myself in check before I go and accept that because of our history, it is sometimes me who pre-judges that I am dealing with racism. I caution myself not to jump to hasty conclusions because there are good folks everywhere...

Becky Sue however, seemed to fit the mold. Maybe it had something to do with the t-shirt I was wearing boldly proclaiming, "We Are the 96%!, Black Women Too Smart to Vote For trump!" Maybe that pissed her off. 

Or maybe she is part of the 53%, White Women Who voted For trump or the 76%, White Women Who Voted Against Stacey Abrams but for brian kemp in the GA governor's race, some who stand "with" me and call themselves Democrat, liberal, progressive, feminist or my "sister". OK...

Again, given the stats from nationwide elections on Tuesday, I attribute girlfriends distasteful aura to the distinct possibility that she had some pre-judgements going on about me before she even sat down. Who knows? But her "annoyance" attitude screamed that if the plane was not so crowded, surely she would have requested another seat. Po' Thing!!! 

She nearly died when the spoon from which I had eaten, dropped in her seat as I reached across her to hand my trash to the flight attendant. I swear, I did NOT drop it on purpose. It really did drop accidentally. But I must say that I did laugh inside at her visible discomfort especially when we never found the spoon. We were sitting too close together in our cramped conditions to adequately be able to look for it. It landed in some crevice. But hell, it was just a spoon. A spoon with remnants of my saliva on it that unfortunately fell somewhere in her space. I felt terrible that she had to fly for another half hour or so being subjected to even the thought. Chuckle. Chuckle... Call it divine intervention. Lucky for both of us, this would be less than a two hour flight.

Feeling pretty certain that skin color was Becky Sue's problem with me, I was ever so happy to be reading an Ebony Magazine that thankfully had a Black person jumping off every page. Beautiful, colorful Black folks to include a feature story on Bryan Stevenson boldly entitled, "From Slavery to Mass Incarceration" talking about the wonderful museum and memorial he has opened in Alabama daring to memorialize and remind America of her of two of her greatest atrocities; slavery and mass lynching which he aptly calls "racial terror lynching". I caught Becky Sue reading over my shoulder when she thought I was glancing out the window. Embarrassed, she quickly turned away when I unexpectedly looked her way.

Reading an Ebony might seem insignificant but to angry, insecure White folks, that Black folks have pride in ourselves and spaces exclusive to us that does not include them, need their approval or that they just don't understand, bothers the heck out of them. Such is the foundation of questions such as why do we need our own TV station, why they protest that Black Lives Matter or why inevitably White women complain that they are left out when Black Girls Rock or P-Diddy pays tribute to us...

Insecurities and some innate, if not incessant need to control non-white folks, especially in white spaces, kicks in high gear and of course, if they are not involved in or consulted about whatever is the occurrence, we must be conspiring to overthrow or do White folks some harm. You know, like when we are at work seen eating or talking together. We can't be just eating or talking together while Black, as do they when they gather to eat or meet in the workplace, we have to be plotting an overthrow, revenge or something of the like adverse to their standing as white folks. Meet mr. trump...

Call it paranoia or although unfounded, call it fear of karma. Newsflash, if Black folks have not retaliated for all the harm done us for centuries in this country, it is safe to assume that it is probably not in the plans... When Black folks gather it is not to the exclusion of others but instead in the interest of us. Gathering or otherwise sharing or celebrating us and our culture, is how we mend, nurture, heal and take care of us in a world that would deny us our right to simply be... Sometimes we just take our time and create our space. It is unapologetic and has everything to do with us. So please rest your mind...

Sitting next to Hilly from the movie, The Help, I mean Becky Sue, for two hours feeling her negative energy on the eve of very disturbing election results from those who would call me "sister", conjured these thoughts for me. Sadly, unlike the character Minny, also from The Help, I did not have a nice slice of pecan pie to offer Ms Hilly... I guess the inadvertent drop of my spoon in her lap was as close as I was gonna' get to delivering southern hospitality for that flight...


#iamnotafeminist

CONCEDE NOTHING!!!

This is my response to news that Mayor Gillum has conceded in Florida:

Not that I have been watching the returns. My TV is off and I have been mostly off-line this evening. I do not have all the details (and I would dare say neither does Mr. Gillum) but I am disappointed that Mr.  Gillum has conceded. I think young Dems should paint a new picture for the party. Fight back and stop rolling over.

It is not unrealistic to believe that repugs cheated across the board and certainly no one has paid a price for tampering in the 2016 debacle so what incentive to do otherwise now? I would wish that FL, GA & TX especially challenged the results and made the repugs prove they won.

They count on Dems conceding and that's what they do. Hillary should have rescinded her concession as soon as it became conclusive that the russians had interfered. She had every right. A concession is a friendly, non-binding agreement entered into in good faith. Once it became clear that there was nothing good or faithful about the results, the Dems should have fought back. From hanging chads to russians playing roulette with American politics, Enough Already!

I expect the Dems in the house to give the orange jerk, double chin mcconnell, Latino denial "ted" cruz and all the rest of the republican patsies hell! No time to play nice. That is not why they were sent there. Handle it! Put the brakes on this state of mass destruction...

Back to the main point, CONCEDE NOTHING! MAKE THEM PROVE THEY "WON"!

NO EXCUSES!!! VOTE!!!

What will today bring? None of us knows... Sadly some of my angst has to do with dirty politics. I wish I could feel confident that the process of democracy was truly valued in this country as so we tout and that the process of our politics respected the will and the presence of We the People at the ballot box. Not so sure. Folks want to win at any expense, are scared shitless (on both sides for different reasons) and will stop at nothing to be declared the victor...

With that being said, our presence at the polls is just that much more imperative. Sitting it out today just ain't an option. Although I want that we are less predictable in our voting and I do want that we exercise different options and make politicians earn our votes instead of our blind loyalty to any one party, this ain't the election to make that point.

Normally I would not advocate straight ticket voting but I do today. To do otherwise is to endorse what is happening to America which ain't making it great for most of us... No matter the intent or the position of the red candidate, to vote republican today is to send a message to the reincarnation of hitler occupying our white house and no matter the position of the red candidate, he will boldly claim it as such... To vote red today is an endorsement of a message of hate, xenophobia, misogyny and racial division. To vote red today says that the killing and maiming of innocent people at the hands of angry white supremacists is OK... To vote red today says that you are not bothered that America has lost global credibility and has become an international laughing stock... To vote red today just sends a bad message on so many levels but most importantly, to vote red today says you don't give a damn about the next generation. I am not a parent but...

It is 6am. The polls just opened in NYC. I only have to walk to my lobby and vote. I don't even have to take off my pajamas. Not that it was ever an option but it is just too easy for me not to vote. I hope that you will not allow anything to get in the way of your voting today. If for no other reason, be inspired to vote today because folks tried to stop you from voting! They KNOW that your vote counts. Show them that you do too!

Vote like your freedom of ________________, fill in the blank, depends on it. It probably does...

Drown out the noise today and just vote!!! Blue is such a lovely and calming color. IJS...

Ask me how to get the t-shirt!!! 

NO EXCUSES!!! VOTE!!!!

The Hate U Give, Miss Higgi's Review...

Last night I hosted a private viewing and community talk back about the movie, The Hate U Give. Of course I had seen the previews. I even got to see clips and hear the Director, George Tillman, and lead male actor, Russell Hornsby, talk about the film at the Martha Vineyard African American Film Festival (MVAAFF) in August. But nothing can prepare you for the depth of the movie nor the discussion that followed.

In preparation so to guide the discussion, I saw the movie in advance on last Friday. I was emotionally spent for at least 3 to 4 hours after leaving the theater. I saw it alone. I needed to debrief as apparently did many other moviegoers on that Friday afternoon in Harlem. During the movie, strangers us all, cried at the screen, cursed at the screen and even cheered at the screen. Emotions covered the gamut; fear, anger, sadness, pride. You name it. Following the movie as we exited the theater, strangers still, some of us talked about the movie, our impressions and our feelings. All of us vowed that we would encourage others to see the film. Last night I did just that...

Just over 150 people showed up at the theater to watch and engage in discussion about the movie. Not surprisingly, most stayed for the discussion that followed and were so full that they could have spoken for much longer if we had more time to use the theater space, which tells me that we NEED an "US" space for discussions amongst US, about US...

The film however, is a film for everyone. The messages in the movie are intersectional and provocative. The obvious is a young Black girl straddling the reality of living in two worlds struggling to find, stand in and claim her dignity and her identity in both places. We have all been there. I once heard a Black sociologist say that to be Black in America requires that one be a skillful and purposeful "paranoid schizophrenic". I will add "resourceful". On queue, an immediate and instinctual role change or "code switch" may be required to successfully stay afloat and/or navigate between the two worlds. That was back in the 80's. Still, we are schizophrenic... Still, we straddle... But that our children, among so many other life lessons, have to also learn to straddle just to survive, when most other children are merely concerned with only the business of being children, is quite sad...

Last night, a grandmother spoke on lessons of survival she has had to teach her grandchildren. Students who attend PWI (Predominantly White Institutions - the answer to HBCU) schools, secondary as in the movie and/or collegiate, spoke to their experiences and offered strength and words of wisdom, encouragement and enlightenment to others in the audience who are similarly situated and their parents.

There was lots of discussion about the strength of the characters; the strong Black man supported by the strong Black woman and how they were undefeated when they offered balance to one another. This dynamic is more prevalent in our community than we realize or celebrate...

Young men caught up in the juvenile detention system were in attendance. They shared their struggle with us and spoke about how the movie affected and/or reflected their own experience. We embraced them and gave them a standing ovation. It was not meant to be symbolic. They need us. We need them...

Colorism and light skin privilege was discussed as there is some controversy about why the director chose a light skin female to play the lead character (Amandla Stenberg) when the heroine in the book and featured on the cover is clearly dark skin with nappy hair... A young light skin girl in the audience passionately and convincingly denounced her privilege and paid tribute and expressed love to her dark skin sisters. An elderly light skin woman stood up and warned those falsely comforted by light skin privilege that when the chips fall, we are all in the same boat, in the same river, fighting for the same paddle. Another of those discussions that needs to happen amongst us...

Book Cover, Author Angie Thomas

Similarly, in August at MVAAFF, a young lady posed the subject of colorism to the director during the Q&A session. Young adults (YA) are already familiar with this movie as many have read the YA book. Although the director should have been prepared for the question, his response was weak and defensive. Ironically, I recently read an article wherein the young star of the movie, Ms. Stenberg, did an interview about another opportunity that she turned down because she knew it belonged to a dark skin actress; the role of Shuri in the world famous and wildly successful movie released earlier this year, Black Panther. She acknowledged that she was being cast for the role because of Hollywood's unapologetic and divisive promotion of it's preference for light skin or interracial Black performers over dark skin actors. How brave, insightful and incredibly unselfish of her. When we know better, we do better. She is only 19...

By a show of hands most admitted to crying during the film; men too... I, too, had that response. I wish we had explored why we were moved to tears. Was it our anger, our hurt, our facing the realization that others just don't see, hear, feel or share our pain? Was it the reality of the loneliness of our pain that drove us to tears? At one point in the film, the main character acknowledges that "they don't hear us"... That resonated with me.

This is a film with a message for everyone. It is important that White folks see this film if no other reason, then to test their "wokeness". How much do even those who claim to be allies with Black, Brown and other non-white folks, how much do they really understand? What is their level of sensitivity? Do their tears flow when they watch this film and if so, is the source of emotion for their tears the same as that for Black viewers? This movie effectively puts that question to a test...

Again, this is a powerful movie on so many levels. If it does not move you, you have a hole in your soul... See the movie. Discuss the movie. Read the book. LaUnique Bookstore, Camden, NJ, sold out every copy on hand. There is a thirst for truth speak. Both the author of the book and the director of the movie did their part to quench this thirst.

For those who resist seeing the movie because it is the "same old movie" or "more of the same old pain of which we' like not to be reminded", it ain't so... If ever there is a movie that captures the power of film to spark an emotion, this is it. It is unpredictable and I assure you, this is not a movie that have seen. I will see it again. You be sure to support it next weekend when it officially opens in theaters nationwide. Don't cheat yourself of both a lesson and a blessing...

When Seated At The Table; Speak Up or Get Up!

What susan collins did in her endorsement of kavanaugh is what is expected when persons otherwise disenfranchised are seated in positions of prominence, no matter how they got there. Be they seated in the halls of Congress, at the helm of human resource or police departments, on judicial benches or around board room tables across America, to keep these coveted seats, there is an expectation that persons in these positions will tow the majority line, behind the scenes and publicly when is necessary. sue collins spent the whole of Sunday doing the network news circuit hopelessly trying to save face or incredibly trying to justify the unjustifiable...

Members of the majority group parade, as the face of or justification for their malfeasance, that sole token person in their organization from the adversely affected group, for the world to see that there is endorsement of their bad act by at least some members of the disenfranchised or ill affected group. sue collins allowed that she be that lame person...

She became the woman to give the repugs cover for their blatant disrespect of Dr. Ford, herself and all other women. She became the woman to endorse reversal of hard won civil and reproductive rights for all women and minorities alike. She became the pin intended to deflate the ballooning advancement of the #MeToo movement. Hers became the female voice to silence victims of sexual assault or abuse. Her face became the signal that the bad act(s) of the old white men's club to which she belongs, was not that bad because even their "little woman" stands with them. She allowed that hers is the face and voice of other women who agrees with them. There is not enough money... IJS...

At what point do we, the disenfranchised seated at these tables, be they legislative tables, board room tables, tables in human resource or EEO/AA departments, tables of police or judicial appointment or any of the like, at what point do we become complicit in our own oppression when we allow that ours be used as the face to justify the harmful deed or that we become the keeper of the dreadful secret that disenfranchises or otherwise harms the group to which we belong (i.e. disparate pay, discriminatory hiring practices, appointment of bad judges, unjustified arrests or senseless murders of our people)?

What is our level of responsibility when we are seated at these varied tables? Do we sit at the table for ourselves and our personal interests or are we seated at the table in the interest of the group to which we belong? Whatever might be your thinking as to how you arrived to be seated at the table or why you are seated at this table where sometimes damning and often times far reaching decisions are made, is your thinking of your purpose for being seated at that table in line with those who invited you to the table or those with whom you sit at the table? Is your voice welcome and heard at the table? Will your colleagues at least taste the collard greens or try the burrito? Or must you go along to get along and eat the meal as prepared? If so, at what price? Is it worth it?

These are just some of the questions that clog my mind of late. Shame on susan collins and all others who allow themselves to be used in this way...

Do not allow that you are invited to the party but never asked to dance. Demand that when you get to the party that you are asked to dance or conversely be bold and confident enough to ask your peers to dance with you and then dance your ass off!!! Show them some new steps. You are not there to be reserved in your presence, to endorse baby steps on the road of progress or to rubber stamp the same ole' two-step. And if you are, then please get up! Kindly excuse yourself from the dance floor, push your plate away and get up from the table. You do the group to which you belong greater harm and a bigger disservice than those who invited you to the party or who offered you a seat at the table. I understand that it ain't always easy and that we all have different approaches but at some point it is required that one speaks up or gets up! IJS...

What are your critical thoughts? Let's talk about it...