The Power of Kindness

 

Yesterday was one of those days. I was in an inexplicable funk. I just couldn't jumpstart my good mood. You know, we all have those days. For me, it is many things, starting with cabin fever and feeling land locked as I have not had a decent vacation in TWO years. Incredible!!!

I am not up to flying yet. I am still uneasy about being in tight spaces with people. Planes are about as tight as it gets. Not to mention the customers are straight up, bat-shit crazy lately. So I'm good. Land bound I remain and it is killing me...

Additionally, I think the change of season kills my spirit. Every year I swear is my last winter, but here I remain. Shame on me. With every drop in temperature, late start of morning and early nightfall, I literally feel myself more sad... I know, I know with all the traveling I have done, I should have picked my happy spot by now and relocated long ago. Again, shame on me.

I had to teach last night and the night before. Although teaching in person is risky and sometimes I have to drag myself to class, seeing my students enjoy my class and really get the material, brings me joy. I think they like my class! I certainly like having them in my class. They are a really great bunch! So yesterday, despite my funk, I had to find that happy face for them, for at least a few hours. I think I pulled it off. Good for me...

I could feel myself being pretty flat and of limited responsiveness during my visit with my GYN. She and her staff were wonderful. Me? Not so much. It didn't help that I had arrived early but sat in my car until check in time only to realize that my mammogram I thought scheduled following the GYN was not after my visit but before. Duh! I was sitting in the car and missed the damn appointment! Of course I did. This mistake fit right in with my mood and the blah day, with the blah weather, that I was having...

I love that this GYN first meets you in her office while you are fully clothed to review your past year with you. Nice touch of humanity and professionalism robbed from the medical profession by insurance companies and large corporations  who have become the slumlords of medicine. How sad... 

Sometimes the GYN only sees you in the robe "opened in the front" before telling you to scoot down and assume position in the stirrups. It feels so impersonal, kinda' like a "slam, bam, thank you ma'am" date feels. LOL! No, its not the same but this is the only other person who really gets to say hello to that part of you. So setting the stage, easing the anxiety, at least asking my name,  so to speak, helps. My experience is that no matter how many years of doing this dance, still, its a vulnerability that one never gets used to. Hurry up and finish already! Please! LOL!

Anyway, I knew that I was in a mood. I wasn't rude, I just wasn't friendly. Plus now I'm bummed and mentally beating myself up because I missed my mammogram. How could I have entered the wrong time on my calendar?

My Mom died from breast cancer so of the two appointments, the mammo is more important. They have another opening  for a mammogram at the same time as my GYN appointment. I would rather take that appointment. I share this with the GYN and her nurse before her. I would imagine that she could care less about and didn't take it personally or receive it negatively that I'd rather have a mammogram than have my appointment with her, but given my mood, I'm not sure how I said it...

I realize between the office visit and disrobing for my exam, that I need to let her know to ignore me today because I'm in a funk which has nothing to do with her. I tell her as she begins my exam.

Now this is one of those times when talking to a woman makes a difference. She assures me that it is OK and that we all have those days. Zero judgment comes from her. Alternatively, sometimes as women, we respond to attitude with attitude which only makes a bad situation worse. She responds with kindness.

I realize after the exam that she has taken a seat and is just hanging out talking to me. She asks about what I am doing to take care of myself, have I had a vacation, and other small talk. It occurs to me what she is doing. I ask if she is trying to cheer me up? To which she says, yes. That was touching and it is what makes real women, women. I thanked her for her concern and told her she had other patients to see and that she should not let me get her off schedule. But how nice of her. I appreciated her advice to take a vacation which no matter the price, is cheaper than a therapist. More importantly however, it was her random act of kindness that made all the difference. It/she was right on time and just when I needed it.

Not to mention, her staff made arrangements for me to have my mammo following my exam just as I erroneously planned so the day was not a wash. The mammo technician, another woman, was wonderful too. Shout out to Cooper Hospital's Ripa Center for Women'sHealt.  Yes, Ripa as in Kelly. She's  a South Jersey Girl. Great job all around! On a random day,  in the near future, I will send my doctor a random note of appreciation that will hopefully give an unexpected lift to her day!

Be kind to others folks. Its so much easier to do than the alternative.

Wishing you a FAB Day and sending BIG, BIG  Higgi Hugs Your Way!

~ Miss Higgi 

On Another Note...

On another note, several years back, I was bike riding with a white male friend in Miami, Florida. He said to me, "Do you speak to every Black person you see"? I had to laugh at myself because it's just something that I unconsciously do. Not that I speak to every Black person I see but I do try to acknowledge my people in some kind of way... 

I think it important that Black folks affirm and acknowledge one another, at least subliminally. It is important that we affirm and acknowledge ourselves and our humanity in a world that often doesn't see, treat, or regard us as such. Our acknowledgement of one another is an unspoken language shared and understood by and between us... 

But it was interesting to me that I am mostly oblivious to it and my friend was keenly and  very much, aware of it. Self affirmation is not likely something white folks even think about. I get it. They are the majority and in power. That's all the subliminal affirmation they need I suppose... 

I try however, to acknowledge most people,  but especially my people. It costs me nothing. And Sistahs, when we see each other on these mean streets, just say hello, exchange an eye glance, a nod or a wink, raise an eyebrow, flash a fake grin, do something... Just don't be evil. Its so much easier to be kind... And Brothas you too, especially our Gay Brothas, don't think every woman who speaks to you is trying to pick you up. We're just being kind to people who look like us.  

Anyway, we should be kind and at least speak to each other no matter what. A hello or a smile cost us nothing and has the power to change the whole of someone's entire day in such a positive way. Try it...

Teaching Folks How To Treat You...

Earlier this week I had occasion to host a meeting where a white male was invited to speak to a mostly Black and Brown audience. I don't think he was even aware of how he was received. His tone, his posture, his remarks, his everything was just dismissive,  condescending and very white male-ish, "I'm in charge"... 

It's a shame when people can't see how they are received but at the end of the day, it's up to the audience, especially Black and/or Brown people, or sometimes just women, to make it clear that we hear you and we will not be spoken to or  treated as such! 

It is up to us to teach others how to treat us. Therefore, I will have a conversation with the young man and hopefully set him on a better path or at least give him some perception of how he was received. I don't expect that he will hear me. Maybe he will hear the next person as it is our duty to let people like him know how they made us feel. Our comfort matters...

I received him negatively after my second encounter with him. Those days are over.  You don't get to presume that as the "dominant" or majority culture that always you are right and  everybody else around you is wrong or problematic and will eventually fall in line or else... This is not your father or grandfather's generation. You have to take into consideration who is your audience and how you are being received.

It is not a given that just because one is white, male or female for that matter, that their word is bond and is going to be received as gospel and not questioned.  I don't think he has learned that lesson yet. 

We teach folks how to treat us. Time to start teaching new lessons...

9-11 - Black Lives Matter Too

September 11, 2001 (9-11) is one of those days we will all remember where we were like it was yesterday although 20 years ago. What America seems remiss in remembering or acknowledging is the pain and loss that Black Americans and other non-white communities experienced on that day. In that respect, this article in the Chicago Crusader, Twenty years after the September 11 attacks, the faces and stories of hundreds of Black victims are rarely seen and told, is timely as it reminds us that 267 Black people died on that tragic day too...


We don't hear about us, Black victims or survivors of 9-11. We hear about everyone and everything but us. As is the course for most thing America; our lives didn't matter then, don't much matter now...


For this reason and others, 9-11 does not hold the same meaning for me, and I'm assuming many other Black Americans, as it does for some other Americans. Yes, it was a day of tragedy in American history but somehow still a day where Black folks were peripheral. Our lives, our pain and our losses just didn't seem to matter. Then, as now, we were just not that human, or just not that important. Take your pick.


Do you remember the Black firefighters who rejected having an American Flag put on the back of their truck? I do! Most Black folks understood their position then, as we understand now. The media gave them hell. I gave them a raised fist. Ironically, or maybe not, today, I can find no reference to these particular firefighters on the internet. This is why it matters not only who writes the story but also who preserves the story. The Chicago Crusader article reminds us of the fight about the statute that was to be erected in honor of lost firefighters. It was designed absent any representation of the 12 Black firefighters who lost their lives. Weren't they fallen heroes too? Who flew a flag for them?

Who remembers Marcy Borders, a Black woman rendered nameless, faceless and unrecognizable as she was photographed on that day covered in soot and toxic ashes from head to toe, dubbed the "dust lady" and whose life fell apart following this event, physically and emotionally? She died in 2015 at the tender age of 12, still a very young woman. How about Genelle Guzman-McMillan, the last found survivor of 9-11, 27 hours after the tragedy. Does that not make her a symbol of American resilience and determination or an American hero? Why don't we know the names of these and other non-white heroines? Any statute erected in their honor? Any mention of their names during annual commemorations? I'm Just Askin'... The untold stories are countless, I am sure.


9-11 is another day of infamy in America's sordid history. It is yet another day where she will craft/has crafted a narrative of heroics sidestepping or distorting that which makes her anything less than an innocent victim. She will spin a tale of American unity and newfound patriotism and love of country. Flag companies, mostly in China, made a ton of money following 9-11. America will silence any story contrary to the story she has decided to tell or the picture she has decided to paint. Those who dare defy her will be painted as unpatriotic and un-American for sure, unlike the January 6th insurrectionists she is now having a hard time convicting for their televised and forever memorialized acts of treason against her. What will America say of a failed coup by a mob of angry white Americans, led by a sitting American "President", 20 years from now? What story will she spin or create to commemorate that day? What will disappear from the internet regarding that incident? I digress. I'm Just Wonderin...


True to form, America has painted the tragedy of overwhelming loss and pain associated with 9-11 in white face. The victims are largely white and depicted mostly as professional, contributing and valued citizens. She does not remember the faces of Black and Brown folks who also lost their lives and who also had families, loved ones, hopes, desires and dreams and whose survivors have hearts that still are broken, no matter their zip code or level of profession, all of which is irrelevant, except in a capitalistic society...


This article gives face and restores stolen humanity to the 267 Black lives lost on the tragic day. Still in 2021, Black people in America fight to be recognized as human. SMH... Thank You God for Black publications.

Excerpt: "The Black victims of the 9-11 terrorist attacks are for the most part remembered as nameless and faceless statistics. But they, too, have stories, of family, career, school, of lives ripe with future plans."


The article reminds us that The Root, a Black publication, in 2011 called out Time Magazine for its failure to include one identifiably Black face in its 10th Anniversary coverage of 9-11.


I was at JFK airport working for United Airlines on the day this tragic event occurred. I was working for a woman with racist tendencies whose legend was that in 35 years, she had never hired a non-white person as part of her management team. Reportedly in response to a corporate making diversity part of her bonus, she hired a proverbial rainbow coalition of supervisors just a few years before 9-11. Blacks, Puerto Ricans, Persian, Philippine. You name it, she hired us! This was probably my most favorite job. I was damn good at it, loved the industry and likely would have retired from United Airlines but for this hateful woman. 9-11 gave her a way out from being forced to hire non-white supervisors. It was the bleach she needed to pour on that colorful rainbow of people. She used the excuse of 9-11 to fire 75% of the Blacks she seemingly hired under duress.


You know the story, it never changes. Always we are last in, always we are first out. She cowardly laid us off while retaining a white male who had literally only just begun. He had worked only a few months for the airline. The workforce was to be reduced according to a plan that included performance evaluations. This man, who remains gainfully employed by the company and who has enjoyed a lucrative career, was too new to have had an assessment, certainly beyond the color of his skin, the badge that kept him there. He lacked time enough in service to have proven himself worthy. And the company let her, and I'm sure many other managers, do this. Of course it did...


So, for many reasons I will remember 9-11 but in many different ways and for a host of different reasons. I mourn ALL loss of life on that day and any other day and offer sincere condolences to those personally affected. But on this day, as I mark the 20th Anniversary of a great American tragedy, I will especially mourn and pay respect to the 267 Black people who died on that truly awful day in American history. I will especially mourn for those who America seems to have forgotten or not care about, similar to her lack of regard for the victims of Katrina some four years later... America may not care but I care, as does the writer and staff at the Chicago Crusader who penned and published this article to remind us, to give voice to the Black victims and hugs to the Black community and our families.


I am happy for this article. Please read and pass it on. And if ever you wonder why it is important for Black folks to shout to the top of Dr. King's mountain top, that Black Lives Matter, think of the 267 forgotten faces looking back at you from the pages of this article.



https://chicagocrusader.com/breaking-news/september-11-attacks-the-faces-and-stories-of-hundreds-of-black-victims/

When The Hustle Is Harmless...

So who doesn't love a good hustle? Last night I stopped at a gas station. There was an older woman, she wasn't young, maybe middle aged woman, sitting right outside the entrance. I could tell she was homeless or maybe just down on her luck. She had a big bag next to her but she was presentable and very nice.

 
When I went in the store I didn't have enough money so I had to come back out. When I went back in, she had already been engaging me, so she said to me, "Sis do you have a dollar bill for 4 quarters"? I said I'll talk to you when I get back out.

Of course, I had already decided I was going to give her money because she had not asked me for anything and I could see she needed help. So I don't think anything of it I gave her a dollar bill plus the change from my purchase. She said, "Really?", you're going to give ma a dollar and your change too"? I said sure and told her to have a nice day.

I don't pull off. I'm sitting in my car and what do I hear her say to the next customer?, "do you have a dollar bill for these 4 quarters"? I'm laughing inside cause this is her hustle! This is her hustle! And what did the guy do? The same thing I did! He gave her a dollar bill and didn't take her 4 quarters! Once again, she pretended to be surprised and of course, grateful. LOL!!! And the beat goes on...

So if she does that all evening she's doing pretty good if this is a busy gas station which it may be given its location. I don't know...

Girl has her hustle and its working. She isn't harming or harassing anyone. You can't even say she is panhandling. She never really asks for anything! I ain't mad at her!

 

The Lesson:

Be good to folks. But for the grace of God, there go you. 

Let that be your guiding principle as you practice kindness and being good to others...

         

Live For Your Happy

Two days ago I found out that this beautiful woman who I met when I was traveling solo in Cartagena, Colombia, lost her life...

She was the manager at the hotel I stayed at and she just took me in. She showed me a lovely time telling me all the wonderful things to do during my visit. She gave me an extra night at the hotel for free! I went to a party at her home. When my friend decided to relocate there, she took her and her son in until they found their own place. She and her family became our family in Colombia. She was just a wonderful, wonderful woman. Beautiful inside and out. Our last communication was on Mother's  Day. I sent her a cute photo giving her her flowers. I am so glad I let her know that I was thinking of her...

When I was in Colombia in 2014, she was just beginning to develop an affection for motorcycles. Since then, her interest had escalated to the bike you see her riding in this photo below which was just taken last month, in August. Sadly, she lost her life on the back of another cycle driven by a friend. Horses were crossing the road and their speed was too much to stop. They died on impact. Thank You God. No suffering...

I will miss her. Columbia won't be the same without her. I am comforted however that she died doing what she loved. I hope to be so lucky. If not doing what I love, at least with assurance that I lived the life that I loved...

People, life is so short. No one needs to understand or approve of what you do or do not do in your life. Live your life for you! Sadly, Helena left a beautiful little girl who's only 14 and I'm sure, too, that her Mom must be devastated. I pray for their peace...

But what she did do was be a  beautiful, beautiful person to so many in her short time on this earth. She gave joy to many between the brief dashes defining the span of her life. She lived her life on her terms. I am sure, therefore, that she rests in peace. I miss you my beautiful friend... 💔

As tomorrow is promised to no one, live YOUR life to the fullest! Live For YOUR Happy...

Mandated COVID Vaccination For All Is Imminent

While ultimately it will be a lost fight, I do not summarily dismiss people who reject the COVID vaccination as irrational, minus the trump supporters, solely because of their position.

⁠
Our government(s), the pharmaceutical industry and the medical profession have earned this mistrust. Yes, there are the indisputable facts of Tuskegee, which is but a drop in the bucket of medical experimentation on human subjects, and the rantings of a mad man masquerading as POTUS who had the shot himself (SMH) but who among us does not believe that there exists a cure for cancer, is not resentful of being gouged financially by doctors, hospitals and big pharma, who trusts that FDA approvals are granted free and clear? I could go on.
⁠
The mistrust is real and earned. It is not limited to Black folks or even crazy trump supporters. These entities must own it and start sharing all of the facts with the American public instead of shutting down the dialogue, even of fellow professionals, of those who disagree with them. Allow the discourse. Perhaps then, some of the resisters might be swayed to vaccinate. Is that not the overall goal? To dismiss or denigrate them however, only adds fuel to the[ir] fire. But soon, public pressure that will look much like the pass system reminiscent of apartheid and being reduced to the social status of leper, even with friends and family, will force or at the least, serve as a mandate for most to ultimately vaccinate.
⁠
As a society, we either passed this test, if you will, with flying colors or we failed miserably. It depends on which side of the issue one stands. There must always be a segment of society that challenges our government. History has taught us that. I ain't mad at the resisters. I just want them to accept that no matter their position, COVID is real, people are dying and vaccinated or not, they too, must respect the now socially acceptable codes of conduct to wear masks, wash hands and respect personal spaces, social distancing at a minimum...

This is the article that prompted this writing...
https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2021/08/vaccine-refusers-hesitancy-mandates-fda-delta/619918/